Aroace-Spec Survey Results

I recently did a survey for aroace-spectrum humans to answer about what they like, dislike, and want from characters that represent their lived experience.

The aroace-spectrum covers asexuals, aromantics, and aroace people and the spectrum it covers.

Asexuality means feeling little to absolutely zero sexual attraction. Some people may feel some, or need to get to know a person first. Demisexuality and gray-sexual also comes under this.

Aromantic means feeling little to absolutely zero romantic attraction. Again, some people may feel some, or need to get to know a person first. Demiromatic and gray-romantic also comes under this.

People may be asexual but not aromantic, or aromantic but not asexual. They may also be both, or be somewhere within the asexual and/or aromantic spectrum.

If you want to include aroace-spec characters in your stories, and you should, here are the results to the questions I asked the community.

As always, no minority group is a monolith. You may find some answers are the absolute opposite of another answer. This happens within any minority group.

The best way to use these results is to see what answers best work for your character and story, and use it as a starting point. You will get a lot of info from this results, but for best authenticity, I always recommend talking to an authenticity reader of whatever specific label your character is, to really create a fully nuance, and authentic character.

These answers are an excellent starting point anyway, that you won't find anywhere else online. But please don't share the link in public forums or social media. Send them my newsletter link and that person can get access to these results and all other survey results (you'll find them by scrolling down to the bottom).

Here we go. FYI answers have been left unedited and uncorrected for typos.

(Feel free to touch on the specifics of your label if
you’re happy to do so).

An easy way to explain why I am not that into some of the popular media out
there, and why I don't really care about dating/marriage. Also a way to find
other people who feels/experiences the world similarly

It means understanding myself, understanding that there’s nothing wrong or
broken in me.

While I identify as aroace, my relationship with my asexuality and my
aromanticism is different. When I first heard about the ace spectrum, I figured I
must be demi and because I had never been in a relationship I hadn’t
experienced any desire to have sex with anyone. Later I got explained what
sexual attraction was (or at least I got examples of how it manifested) and I
started to realize that I actually was fully asexual. For me, that was a relief since
the idea of sex and been thought of in a sexual way, have always seemed kinda
disgusting in my opinion. Even kissing, the few times I’ve done it, did nothing
for me at best and left me a bit grossed out at worst. Finding out about
asexuality, while scary for being different, was liberating and very easy to
accept. On the other hand, I thought I coulnd’t be aro because I really wanted a
relationship, I love consuming rom-coms, and had crushes (even a boyfriend, if
you count technicalities). No one seemed able to define romantic attraction to
me without the sexual part, so that didn’t help. It took putting myself in
uncomfortable positions to figure out that I was in fact aro. It made me reframe
what I thought were crushes and how I actually picked the people I’d “fall” for
or got influenced by people around me. Also, apparently social anxiety shares
symptoms with crushes, so there’s that. Turns out wanting a relationship (with
no one in particular, just the idea of it) ain’t the same as feeling attraction
toward someone specifically. I aslo realized romance is fine in fiction but
picturing myself IRL in those scenarios just made me cringe. Figuring that out
caused me a lot of grief, because I lost the idea of how I had pictured my life
was supposed to be. It’s also terrifying because of relationship hierarchies in
society, and how it feels like I’ll never be anyone’s priority. As of today, being
aroace has made me more aware of my boundaries and keeps me trying to
figure out what kind of relationships I want.

It means that it’s ok I’ve never been able to ‘make it work’ with someone else,
because ‘making it work’ always made me feel so uncomfortable and anxious. I
feel content knowing I’m Ace because I’m not built wrong, I’m just built
differently.

Sadly I feel more ostracization from being on the ace spectrum than I ever did
when I thought I was pan. Not only from outside the community but even
within. It almost feels like people come at it from, this makes no sense to me
so it is immediately wrong which is so sad. The inability to attempt to
understand people that think differently than you is the root of all exclusion and
most hatred. So being ace is a very lonely existence with very few people ever
understanding you,no matter how often you try to explain. It can also lead to
people attempting to take advantage of you in relationships because no matter
how often they say they understand they still attempt things you don't want to
do constantly.

can only speak for myself as asexual, but its mostly a sense of not belonging in
a hypersexualized world.
before figuring myself out i felt like an extraterrestial because in a world and
social circle that started to have relationships and most importantl sex on a
regular basis as a sort of merit when i just didnt give a fuck about any of that
anf had to play it down, make excuses, lie or tank mild harassment (happened
~2 years after puberty finished and i went to a party where a few outed queer
friends talked to me and randomly dropped the word. did some research the
next day and it finally all started to make sense)
now i am out in most of riend circle and i feel a lot more comfortable being
myself and it feels great, at least when my friends respect my identity. as a
society, we still have a long and rocky road ahead

I'm a sex-repulsed aroace person, and for me it just means being a part of an
identity whose lives are enriched by so many people. Friends. Family.
Community.

(already answered this, just wanted to add something. My original entry
started Right now, I ID as demisexual/demiromantic if asked for a label... if you
want to pair this answer with the original one.)

Being AroAce has given me complicated feelings. At first I was kind of sad and
worried, but it also answered a lot of questions for me which was helpful and
after a few months I accepted it more. Currently, I'm really proud and happy
with my identity especially after meeting other Aro/Ace folks and hanging out
irl. Having this identity has helped me figure out more about what I want my life
to look like and the possibilities that exist for me.

It means liberation and independence. It means I can stop seeking out
relationships I have no interest in, and simply enjoy what I have. It means that I
have started to value my friendships and other connections even more, as I feel
that my understanding of love had been redefined. The world tells us that all
friendships and relationships will ultimately play second fiddle to the one; for
me, that simply isn't true, and I love that feeling!

Right now, I ID as demisexual/demiromantic if asked for a label, even though I
never really felt I needed one, and I feel it doesn't 100% fit. (It is, however, a
convenient shorthand when explaining why I'm not interested in casual
hookups and things like that). In reality, I can be a very sexual (and, to slightly
lesser extent but still, romantic) person in the right context with specific people
*at specific times*, but I also go long, long stretches of time (ie up to 9–12
months) without needing anything sexual at all. If I'm also stressed & tired, my
sex drive is -0 and there's no evoking it, I don't want to be touched, and will be
physically repulsed if you try to engage me in even a hug (for context, I'm also
autistic, which may influence the physical response here to some degree).
For me, my identity as autistic is stronger than my identity as aro/ace, I feel my
relationship with sex/romance has more to do with my neurotype than any
separate set of feelings or processes around sex/romance specifically. I'm also
more aromantic than I am asexual, because romance requires focus and
attention to someone's feelings and I find that exhausting. Sex has a practical,
non-intellectual component that (for me) is preferable to all the ~*feelings*~ of
romance. It also intersects well with kink space, esp the dom/sub, leather,
restraints etc subsection of kink, which can be very stimulating without actually
a lot of physical contact.
I enjoy writing, and reading, erotic fiction more than I enjoy actually engaging
in physical sexual acts. This might however also be an expression of my autism
more than the ace feelings (but to me the two are inextricably linked so who
can really say).

If a person finds it helpful to consider themself to be under the aroace
umbrella, then they belong! I find it a helpful framework for understanding my
experiences, which are that I do not experience sexual or romantic attraction,
am repulsed by the idea of having partnered sex, and find the idea of romance
uncomfortable to consider for myself. But different people under the umbrella
will have different experiences.
Some people hate the idea of how being aroace gets you seen by allos as an
emotionless robot, and some aroace people are like...ok but the emotionless
robot is relatable actually. There's such a wide spectrum!

Asexual - I just don’t experience sexual attraction to anyone. I’m quite
indifferent to the act itself.

It means that all of the nuances and 'gray (lol) areas' of my relationship within a
hetero-cis-normative social structure have space, validity, and acceptance. It
allows me to find the right words or exist without specific words to describe
my lived experience.

To me asexual means that I’m not thinking about sex (like really ever) but it
doesn’t stop me from being attracted to people or wanting meaningful
romantic relationships.

I don't really know how to put it into words, because at the same time I feel
relieved to finally know myself and I still feel kind of.. idk, wrong? I still have a
lot of compulsions about romantic relationships and sex. I often catch myself
subconsciously forcing myself to do these things because it's what's
expected. Amatonormativity sucks lmao.

I am asexual, and I have known this since the age of 16; I have never
considered myself to be anything else since.
I am now 27, and I’m figuring I may also be on the aromatic spectrum—
probably grey or demi, as I have experienced romantic feelings once or twice.
However, I have decided I don’t want a relationship.
To me, being ace is simply ‘a lack of sexual attraction to another person’ or ‘a
low level of sexual attraction, in the case of identities like demi and grey’. Aces
can enjoy sex and sexual acts, have a libido, watch porn, and still be ace.
Although I am a sex-repulsed asexual, I know not all aces are sex-repulsed, and
even that can be a spectrum. To me, being sex-repulsed means that I hate the
idea of me being involved in a sexual act with another person. However, I don’t
mind
 talking about sex with people and will happily listen to them talk about it;
I have a libido, watch porn, and own toys. On the other hand, I know people
who are repulsed by all sexual acts, including solo acts, and do not like talk of
sex.
Aromanticism is a little more difficult for me, as I am still unsure where I fall
with this. I know it’s defined as feeling little to no romantic attraction, and that I
do relate to that. I am also not really into romantic acts. But I am struggling
with placing myself, and I may content myself with saying I’m on the aro
spectrum without picking a specific label.

I tend to think of myself as Gray Ace, as I do occasionally experience attraction
to people, but I am always a bit surprised by it! I have never pursue this
attraction: it's so fleeting, it has never really seemed like a mandate, more like
an interesting passing experience.
(I'm probably Aro, but tbh this has never seemed like a part of my identity, more
like a thing I might bring up if it becomes super relevant, like my vaccination
status. IDK why ace is a meaningful label to me and aro isn't.)

As an aroace individual it means that I am not intrinsically motivated to pursue
sexual or romantic relationships with others, as I do not have an innate physical
desire/need for relationships on these grounds. As a person that is not sexually
attracted to others, sex is not an important aspect of the ways in which I relate
to others and want to be in relationship with them. As a person who does not
feel a romantic pull to others, I deeply value my platonic and familial
relationships and hold them in high regard. I appreciate all the ways in which
someone can experience attraction to others and it allows me to have deep
connections to those in my life.

i'm glad the umbrella exists and i really feel at home, especially being in
contact with others who fall under the aroace umbrella helps to figure things
out. however, when talking to people who do not identify as aroace or when
trying to explain my sexual identity to non aroace people, i mostly felt
misunderstood or judged. In some instances, people began distancing
themselves from me. so, in short: being under the aroace umbrella feels great
when i'm among fellow aroaces but it feels isolating when i'm among non
aroaces.

it means that i think sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship and
that relationships aren't the most important thing in life

I am biromantic asexual. This means that I experience romantic attraction to
all genders, but not sexual attraction. It took a long time to figure this out about
myself!

To me it means not experiencing sexual attraction in the way allos do. Being
separated and outside of that world because of its infrequency if it’s present at
all. Not understanding it’s importance either.

I ID as Demiromantic asexual. For me it means having a deeper understanding
of my own experiences regarding attraction, split-attraction, and libido. It has
really helped me leave aside a lot of the feeling of not fitting in and forcing
myself to engage in romantic and sexual interactions that made me heavily
uncomfortable just to try and fit in or because I felt that I just wasn't
experienced enough and I had to be to become comfortable with it. It helped
me find community as I was figuring out identity. I only ever develop romantic
feelings for people who I first have a strong connection with as friends and
sexual attraction just never happens, although for me that is independent from
libido, which is still generally low but existent. Although I don't use the labels
too publicly, it meant I could express my experiences/identity to friends in a
more structured way that they can even look further into on their own time if
there's anything unclear.

to me it's having some trouble with finding relationships (i'm aroallo, but my
sexuality is like only 80ish percent allo if that makes sense), but also havong
comfort knoeing i'm not alone

I prefer not to identify as anything, because it feels so finalizing and I’d like to
be able to experience the same intimacies that others crave and enjoy.
However, mostly I just don’t think about it. I suppose sex, for me, is more
enjoyable in theory.

For me it's a bit of a lack of commitment. I'm alloaro so this will definitely not
be a universal experience among all of us, but I often feel myself initially
attracted to people but then unwilling to be in a relationship.

For me, being aroace is mostly about one single part of my identity. I don't
really separate my romantic attraction from my sexuality; they come together.
So, even if i call myself asexual, I'm aromantic as well. So, it's more about how
being aroace separates me from others, in the sense that I have trouble
understanding the peers that don't share this part of my identity, and that can
be alienating. But it's also about having an easier time to understand the world
through lenses that are not purely romantic/sexual, and finding joy in every
kind of relationship.
And it's also about how unique the perception I hold for my own identity
defines me.

Being asexual to me means a lack of the sexual “pull” that most people feel
towards others. I was very surprised to learn that seeing and thinking about
attractive people is generally a cause for arousal, because I’ve never
experienced that.
I do still experience arousal sometimes and feel pleasure from sexual stimulus. I
may even desire sexual contact with others, though it’s usually for
“unorthodox” reasons like desiring an emotional connection or wanting to help
someone feel good.
There’s also a large gap for me between fantasy and reality. It might be fun to
entertain certain sexual ideas in my head, but that doesn’t mean I’m excited by
the thought of putting them into practice.

Not being sexually attracted to people, and only being romantically attracted
based on having made some other deep connection first.

It means my priorities are different, that I find fulfillment in different ways, and
that I see relationships in a different way. I'm more analytical/intellectual about
sex and relationship dynamics. I can feel underappreciated or neglected by
friends, or infantalized by family, because I don't attend events with a partner
attached to my arm. I face some of the social or practical disadvantages of
being alone but don't feel inclined to fix them with the solutions provided.
(e.g. I'm not included in plans for couples or that I'm lower priority when I need
a favour, and people suggest I need to find someone.
My identity and source of adventure in life is not about falling in love or
building sexual tension. I prefer to make jokes and cause havoc and turn
everything into social commentary. My aro and ace aspects complement my
AuDHD in having me constantly challenge expectations and assumptions and
my need to know deeper reasons why a certain life is expected of us.
I eschew heteronormative gender roles and don't see or accept the limitations
perceived by people subject to their dynamics (e.g. I don't accept that men
shouldn't have to take as much care of themselves if they have a wife, and I
don't understand why dating politics around money or making moves are such
a big deal). While I greatly value friendships, I find it harder to keep engaged in
them when people enter stages of life without much else going on but their
relationship.

It means that I am normal and that I belong. I dont really know the specifics of
my micro-labeling just yet but I am pretty sure I am aroflux (moving across the
Arospec).

Generally someone who has no sexual attraction to anyone, although the
spectrum of this is wide.
Although sex-favourable asexuals enjoy having sex, they just don’t feel the
attraction.
I’ve never looked at anyone and thought “I’d have sex with you”. But as a male
homoromantic asexual (gay asexual) I find have romantic attraction to men as
in I’d like to kiss, marry and cuddle/spoon a hot guy but no sex related actions,
not even a BJ!

It means no longer feeling broken or like a disappointment when my version of
attraction and desire doesn't match the 'norm'.
As an alloromantic demisexual without aesthetic attraction, I was always weird
for not thinking people were hot, for who I was attracted to, and for the way my
sexuality didn't live up to what people seemed to expect. It wasn't that I didn't
want /anything/, so I was supposed to want everything, right? But I didn't, and I
don't, and having words to explain that to potential partners has helped
immensely.
I no longer feel like I have
 to pretend sexual interest when I'm in a committed
relationship where it feels unnecessary to me. I put myself through some
terrible situations because I thought I was somehow not right. There is trauma
in my past that I could have avoided if I had not been trying to live up to
something I didn't even realize I didn't need to be.
Giving words, space, and legitimacy to those feelings means a healthier and
happier life with better relationships. It also means feeling less alone.

It means experiencing little to no sexual attraction

So I consider myself aroace with intellectual and aesthetic attractions but not
sexual or romantic ones. Setting aside the formal definitions for my identities -
for me, being aroace means being able to define my relationship (or lack
thereof) with sexuality and romance in the world around me. In my case,
feeling free and fulfilled to not engage and instead leaning into my personal
strengths and putting my passions/skills elsewhere.

For me it allows me to be my authentic self. Living and growing up in a world
where allosexuality is the norm really skews the view of one’s self. But finding
your identity and allowing yourself to break free from societal norms is a very
freeing experience. It allows me to feel comfortable as myself and show my
authentic self to others more freely.

For me specifically, I see myself as 100% asexual in that I don’t feel sexual
attraction toward anyone. Yet I am comfortable with sex as a topic or a plot line
in the media I consume and even occasionally fantasize about certain fictional
characters. But it’s all in theory for me, like I enjoy things like a sadomasochistic
dynamic and occasionally become aroused by it. But when I think of doing
those things with another person, I have no desire at all and find such a
situation uncomfortable and even revolting at times. It is similar for my
aromanticism. Growing up in this world, there is always an expectation of
dating the opposite gender by others around me. I also enjoy consuming
media within the romance genre (though I mostly only enjoy it now if the
characters involved are queer). With an overactive imagination and
maladaptive daydreaming, I often find myself fantasizing a romantic future with
friends, especially ones I’ve recently made. But the same thing applies to the
way I view romance, as I enjoy the ideas and theories of dating, being in love,
all that. But the idea of actually trusting someone, spending romantic time with
them, dating them, kissing them.. I find it unappealing and uncomfortable. At
times, it’s difficult for me to determine whether or not I have always been this
way/always would become this way, since I had crushes during middle school
and high school. I wonder if the trauma I experienced throughout life made me
into the way I am. Nature vs nurture type. I was in heavy denial over my
aromanticism and occasionally still am now. I wish I wasn’t aromantic
sometimes because it is a unique sense of loneliness. So for now, my aroace
identity is something to lean back on when I don’t want to think of the specifics
of my identity, something that can give me a vague sense of community and an
explanation for why I am the way I am. Damn internalized aro/acephobia, huh.
Lmao. I apologize if my answer is depressing..

It meant to realize I was not broken or weird and other people felt and thought
similarly to me. It was discovering that my romantic attraction is not as
attached to my sexual attraction (by first learning this is possible!), like most
people (allos) and THAT is fine (I adopted the demisexual label as it feels like
that is me but i am more comfortable just saying i am part of the ace umbrella
when talking with people). It is feeling understood and happy to have the
words and community to embrace myself and the way I navigate life.

I usually call myself a biromantic asexual just to simplify it, I also call myself
queer. I'm also agender and amonogamous (different than polyamorous). Being
asexual for me just kinda makes me a-everything...
I get huge crushes on people every now and then, but I am not sexually
attracted to anyone, no matter how much I love them. I sometimes explain it to
people like this, You know how lesbians are not attracted to men at all? That's
how I feel about everyone. Or, Imagine someone you just couldn't be
attracted to, like a 90 year old person, maybe. That's how I feel about
everyone. Or like, Who are you sexually attracted to?
a) cis-women
b) cis-men
c) trans women
d) trans men
e) gender fluid people
f) nonbinary people
g) agender people
h) fish (hello Troy Mcclure)
i) none of the above
I am always choice i)
This doesn't mean that I have no libido and don't have sex. I can get aroused by
foreplay or other physical stimuli, and then want to have sex with a person.
Especially when I drink. But because I'm not attracted to anyone, that means
the person could be anyone, and I have no preference for any gender. I just
have to not be repulsed by the person's personality or lack of hygiene.
I am totally open to answering any questions you might have about aceness if
you'd like to reach out to me. DM me on Twitter anytime: @elisaintime

experiencing little to no romantic/sexual attraction (i am completely sex and
romance repulsed)

I would personally label myself as something between gray- and demisexual/
romantic. Personally, I think being on the aro/acespec can be quite isolating,
because of societal expectations to be with someone. For me, this sense of
isolation has been there from a young age. I've never felt much attraction
towards anyone, and it often made me feel as if there‘s something wrong with
me. I'm glad there's a community for aroace people because it definitely eases
this feeling, although the aroace community is still very misunderstood. So, I
guess being aroace to me means having to face a lot of allonormantive
standards but also finding community in those who are like me.

I'm asexual but not aromantic. I'm ok with sex to make my partner happy, but
left to myself I could happily not have any and I never think about or
experience sexual feelings. I'm not disgusted by sex, but it's like exercise to me,
something I make myself do for the benefits it brings (ie, being closer to my
partner) rather than an activity which is enjoyable in itself.

I'm demi sexual.

Being aromantic but allosexual, I experience sexual attraction but not romantic
attraction.
Aromanticism is experiencing little to no romantic attraction. For me, that
means I don’t experience the emotions associated with romantic attraction. It
can get confusing for sexual partners because many folks don’t separate
romance, sexuality, or sensuality in their heads. So when I do something that
they decide should go in the romance box, they discredit my orientation, not
understanding (or choosing to to understand) that a romantic relationship isn’t
about the behaviors you exhibit—it’s about the emotions you feel while you do.


I’m demisexual, which means that I feel sexual attraction to someone after I’ve
formed a strong emotional bond with a person I could perceive as a partner.
(So I very rarely experience sexual attraction to anyone!)
When I was younger and didn’t understand my sexuality, I would often say that I
preferred personality over looks, and that because I’m a Virgo (haha) I judge
people too much to like them. But I’ve learned since then that I’m demi, and
that I’m much more romantic than I am sexual. I love the performance of
romance, the giving and taking care of aspects of it. Sex—it’s all right. I like that
my partner likes it, but I could do without!

Well I'm asexual and not aromantic so I can only talk about asexual
experiences. Honestly, being able to have a community that understands me
and my so called weirdness. I just like being able to meet others like me.

I'm pansexual and aromantic. I realized I was aromantic at 40. It was both
terrifying and exhilarating. For most of my life, I had avoided dating, and when I
did, I felt I was doing it wrong. Realizing that I was aromantic increased the
value of the many different relationships/attractions I had that were not
romantic--alterous, sensual, sexual, and platonic--and how beneficial they were
to me. The way I love isn't something to be fixed. It is who I am, which adds
variety to the ways humans can engage with each other. It's made my mental
health and lived experiences better.

It means living outside of the sexualized and romanticized expectations of
society.

So for me I identify as romance repulsed aromantic which means that when I
receive romantic advances, I become incredibly disgusted. In the past when I
was asked out for the first time ever, I was in total shock and actually got sick. It
combines with my autism as I do not pick up romantic advances or social cues,
so when I miss the cues and suddenly somebody perceives me as a potential
love interest I just become totally repulsed. However, as a demisexual, I do
desire some element of a connection with a person. I experience the urges to
have sex, but combined with my aromanticism its never occured where I have
found a partner or partners that I would feel comfortable engaging in the act.I
am not sex repulsed and I do enjoy for example, sexually explicit songs and
making sex jokes, far greater actually than my allosexual friends.For me, I feel I
fluctuate between where I identify
 within the ace community and I have had a
major experience last year where I was harassed for 10 months due to my
rejection of somebody. I suppose Im more likely than others to put a degree of
being aro up to trauma, but Im open to the possibility of it changing in the
future. But for now this is how I personally feel aroace applies to me

Under the umbrella of aro-ace includes a number of identities, including
grayromantic, graysexual, demiromantic, demisexual, aromantic, and asexual.
There are many others, including those who don’t have a label preference or
prefer to be unlabeled.
I am grayromantic and graysexual (I experience romantic and sexual attraction
very rarely) and demiromantic and demisexual (I need to get to know a person
really well before I can be romantically or sexually attracted to them, usually),
so I fall on the aroace spectrum. Please note that romantic and sexual
attraction are different. Someone can experience one but not the other.
Also, attraction is different from one’s own actions. Someone can be asexual
and be sex-favorable, sex-repulsed, or all sorts of in between.

It means being whole in oneself and standing against compulsory (hetero)
sexuality. It means building community in ways that supercede the nuclear
family.

I'm aroace and what that means is I'm not sexually or romantically attracted to
anyone. That doesn't mean I don't find people attractive; it just means I don't
want to have sex or be in a romantic relationship with them. I'm not sex
repulsed but I definitely skip past it in books/shows/movies/etc. I'm good with
reading books with romance in them but Romace genre is not my favorite
genre though I'm more likely to read a romance if it is queer. I consider my
friends and chosen family as my most important relationships.

Being asexual simply means I don’t feel sexual attraction. I am aegosexual, so I
may be aroused by erotica or fictional scenarios. But I’m very sex neutral about
having sex. There are so many things I’d rather do.
As for romantic attraction- I’m not sure I understand what that even is. So
perhaps that makes me aromantic as well!

For me being under the ace umbrella means understanding and safety in a
way I can't quite explain. Ace people are often treated as broken or weird, or
juvenile. You'll get it when you're older. Kind of thing. Getting to be under the
ace umbrella reassures me that other people feel this confusion, that I'm not
broken. People understand, and there is safety in understanding.
But being ace means a lot of people will never understand you, and you may
also never understand them or yourself. (For me)
I identify as Demi, but I'm not actually sure I've ever felt sexual attraction to a
person.
I do think I've felt romantic attraction, but I have often confused intense
platonic love with that and gotten myself in trouble.
I've looked at a person and thought wow, I just want to stare at them. In some
situations maybe I want someone else to do sexy things with them, but I don't
really want myself involved at all.
But the main point is, I don't really know what I've felt. It's confusing, and
strange. I've never looked at a person and known 100% if I was attracted to
them. I've thought people were so beautiful it took my breath away, but I've
never felt... like a pull towards them.

Simply lack of romantic and sexual attraction. Many ace/ aros are confused
where they are on the spectrum and don't want to label themselves incorrectly
so we so many micro labels. But I prefer to say I'm asexual / aromantic. When I
say I'm ace and aro, I am talking about the entire spectrum. My sexuality is
fluid, sometimes I can feel attraction after an emotional bond or no attraction
at all regardless of a bond.

For me it means I experience romantic attraction, but never sexual. Which
makes relationships fairly unlikely.

I most often report myself as aroace-spec, but if I had to be specific, I'd
probably say that I'm demi for both aro & ace. To me, it's a general rejection of
amatonormativity. The ace label was easier to find (early 20s) but the aro label I
didn't stumble across until my late 20s. Under the ace umbrella, I feel very rare
sexual attraction and only with a close bond (one person ever in my life, who
I'm currently married to). For my aro umbrella, I have slowly discovered that my
sounds fake, but okay reaction to romance in almost every media was not, in
fact, universal. To me, life and love feel clear cut. There's not the fuzziness or
transition of oh, I'm romantically attracted to this person. I told my spouse I
didn't want to date but I knew that they'd be the person I'd marry. I love them,
but the idea of dating made me feel icky. Since I'm married and have a kid,
being aroace doesn't really come up with others in my day to day life, but I feel
like it shapes my entire existence. Things that other people expect to be a
given feel alien and incomprehensible to me. Coworkers casually talking about
finding each other attractive literally boggles my mind. People who say there's
no platonic explanation for this make me slam my head onto a desk. I've never
experienced a crush in my life. As a middle schooler, when other kids were
talking about crushes and stuff, I remember listening during biology class
about lipids carrying hormones through the body and knowing that I was
underweight and thinking ah, guess I just don't have enough lipids yet.
(Spoiler alert: that was not the issue ahaha). Being aroace for me is being tired
of arbitrary delineations between types of relationships and celebrating the
transcendence that is my personal brand of love.

i find that the definition of asexual as “self contained sexuality” that gets used
in the Asexual Manifesto really resonates with me. To me, there’s a wholeness
to asexuality that I find really comforting. In a world that tells you so often how
you need a romantic/sexual partner to be happy, knowing that I’m a complete
person by myself, even sexually, is really grounding.

I feel like no one really knows about us even in our own community. Aphobia is
very real and I have never actually seen an accurate representation of it on tv or
in books. And since every asexual experience is very unique to each person, I
always find myself in situations where I have to explain what it means to be on
the asexual spectrum and it is an alienating feeling, quite exhausting. It is
extremely important to me to be represented and acknowledged in LGBTQIA+
community. Many people don't even know that A stands for asexual and not for
ally.

it means I dont have to like what everyone does and I can do things my way
even if no one understands. it means that my feelings and sensations and body
does not have to aling with other people's opinions or experiences. I am aroace
and I experience love in a deeper level than just romantic. love needs no labels.
you can feel things your way and you can experience the world your way too

For me it meant I wasn't broken and it wasn't something wrong with me -
getting a name for how I felt allowed me to identify it and feel less alone.
Reading about aegosexuality in particular for me let me understand
interactions I had with friends growing up - things like people assuming I was a
lesbian because I'd say oh yeah she's gorgeous/hot and only now in my 30s
realising that I meant it in an aesthetic way while others didn't

I'm biromantic asexual. It mostly just means I have no interest in sex. I'm a little
disgusted by it, particularly by the thought of the exchange of bodily fluids. It
also means being excluded (by a small and small-minded group) from
discussions around queerness despite the fact that I'm biromantic and
currently in a relationship with a fellow nonbinary person. Just look at how
Yasmin Benoit was treated when she was announced as the leader of the NYC
Pride parade! Aces also tend to be infantilized because we never met a societal
milestone.

I am demisexual, which means a strong emotional bond is needed before I can
feel sexual attraction. I am also a hopeless romantic and could happily take or
leave sex, although I do love kissing, being held and caressed etc. I know that's
just my experience, though. I am also mostly sex favourable although this
varies.

The big umbrella is about sexual and romantic attraction that differs from the
norm and skews towards less or no attraction. Narrower terms help individuals
to find community but the whole affair is very situational and fluid. I identify as
asexual but homoromantic. I am not sex repulsed but have no interest in having
sex. I can do it (for a partner, for attention, etc.). I consider myself less romantic
than others I’ve met but I approach my relationship with pragmatism and love/
adoration.



Question 2
What tip/s do you have for a writer creating an aro/ace/ aroace-spec character in a story?

There isn't the ONE aro/ace/aroace story. Talk to more people, read about
more people, and realize that a lot of the online stories are very global North
oriented

Personally, as someone who doesn’t mind sex and romance in books, but is
repulsed irl, I’d love to see more sex repulsed characters in queer platonic
relationships. I feel like a lot of the ace rep I come across in books is Demi,
which is great! But I’d love if a character doesn’t end up finding someone they’d
do sex with every now and then, but still finds someone who loves them all the
same.

I believe that there are as many ways to be a-spec as people who identify as
such, because of all the variables in both spectrums. That means you have a lot
of different possibilities when creating your character’s experiences, but don’t
try to make one character to cover everything. Just as with any allo, our sexual
orientation is just a part of who we are, not our whole identity. Even when we
are struggling with it or if its taking a lot of focus in our lives for whatever
reason, we still have other things going on. Depending on your goal, don’t be
afraid to experiment with how much it does (or doesn’t) impact the plot. Also,
don’t just think about a-specs in romance or coming-of-age narratives: how
would these characters do in adventure, sci-fi, horror, etc?
Also, read Ace by Angela Chen.

Create someone that is kind and outgoing, but friendly to all, and not
necessarily romantic with any.

I think any writer writing about lgbtq or neurodivervent characters needs to
lean more into the fact that lgbtq and neurodivervent people tend to flock to
each other. There's not usually the token gay friend, more like the token straight
friend. Also if you start before a character knows they are aro/ace just knowing
it is generally a long process to figuring yourself out, generally going through
multiple labels and relationship trial and error until you finally come across the
term, or finding yourself in someone else's story of how they came to their
understanding of their identity.

try to understand and implement the everyday struggles of an aspec person in
a heteronormative, hypersexualized world

It's a common phrase, but -- it's a spectrum, so don't be afraid to reflect that.
I'm a sex-repulsed aroace person, but I love seeing *all* aro/ace representation.
So many folks conflate purity culture and prudishness with being ace. Now I
might get squicky about sex, BUT I also recognize that I live in a world where a
lot is sexualized. That's the norm. I make jokes about it. I'm not afraid to--I've
learned how. And frankly, I know plenty of others aces/aros that enjoy sex as an
activity, even though they too don't experience attraction. No matter which
character you write, understand that because of the world we all live in, aroace
folks do experience things differently. i.e. the whole world has no problem
essentially recommending sex and/or romance as a corrective measure to fix
us (and our apparent hormone problems). But we also love things you might
not expect--I love romance stories, even if I don't want that for myself. (and
even if I personally skim steamy scenes). I love and hate the cake analogy, but it
can be a useful starting point.

make the story about literally anything else but centered around romance and
sex. being asexual for me literally means that sex is only in my life in the form of
other people’s stories. i am averse to sex and don’t even want to want sex, and i
have many other things i care much more about.

I don't label myself as polyamorous because I'm not really interested in
relationships at all. I do, however, exist in a polycule somewhat, as what they
call a comet. I think it's under-explored how that kind of configuration can
actually benefit aro/ace people in that we don't get pressured to carry all
aspects of a traditional relationship, like you do in a monogamous relationship.
The pressure of regular sex e.g. in a normal mono relationship has made me
basically stop dating because it's too difficult to navigate those expectations.
As a comet to one polyam person in a polycule with at least three different
people it is much easier to actually enjoy the relationship. We spend time
together when I can/want to, without me having to feel like I abandon them or
withhold anything when I go 8 months without wanting anyone to touch me.
They get their sexual and romantic needs met by other people in the
meantime. Our relationship is mostly intellectual, with some romantic aspects
(which may not qualify as romantic by mainstream definition, but they're too
personal to share). The sexual aspect is mostly tied to a specific kink (softdomme
restrain & denial with very little physical contact) and it all works really
well.
So, what I mean to say is that an aroace-spec person can be in a polyamorous
relationship and enjoy kink sex, and still be very much aroace. :D

Regardless of if your character is Ace (not Aro), Aro (not Ace), or AroAce, I
would make sure you are aware and knowledgeable of both identities, their
spectrums (look into angled identities for AroAce characters), and their
relationship to one another which can change. I would also say that if you are
playing around with having an Aro/Ace character be in a relationship you
should look into and know about Queer Platonic Relationships. A decent
amount of Aro people in particular, but also Ace people are Amatopunk or
proponents of Relationship Anarchy. This would/could effect all of the
relationships the character has including friendships. So do some research
beforehand and consider if it feels right for your character.

1. Please don't make their ace identity their entire personality! It's great to see
ace representation, but I prefer when there is more to a character - I want to
see ace characters with rich friendships, varied interests, and strong
connections to the world around them. They don't always have to be bookish
introverts (Nothing wrong with bookish introverts, of course - I happen to be
one myself - but there's more than one way to be ace). I'd love to see a life-ofthe-
party ace, who loves knowing they're not going home with anyone at the
end of the night!
2. There has been some dangerous ace rep in the past (the infamous episode of
House, for example - and more generally, cases of characters describing
someone as 'asexual' as a means of suggesting they're a bit odd and incel-like).
It's important we redress this by showing asexuality as a strength, with a world
of possibilities.
3. It would be nice if authors could introduce a bit more subtlety to their
writing about aroaces too - it doesn't need to be spelled out in endless
exposition, which can be such a turn-off. Can authors find ways of having
characters refer to their fierce independence, and lack of interest in
relationships in more creative ways?
4. There is undoubtedly a crossover between asexuality and neurodiversity, but
I think this has to be handled with care. I am a (broadly) neurotypical ace, and
it's important we don't give the impression that aces are, by definition,
neurodiverse. It can be dangerous both for aces and for neurodivergent people
(many neurodivergent people are allosexual and it can be dangerous to give
the impression they are incapable of love). We have to find clever ways of
distinguishing between the two.

Personally, I get turned off a story when characters start using labels for
themselves in casual conversation. It feels very constructed and unnatural to
me. I'm sure there are friend groups e.g. where this is normal, but it never has
been for me. I've never felt well-represented by stories claiming to have good
aro/ace (or queer in general) rep, because those that really go for being
representative all go *too hard*. It becomes a focus itself, as if the labels
themselves must be written out on the page in order to be represented – I
hate that! I hardly ever talk about my sexuality or to what level I am aro or not
with other people! Don't be so obvious about it, don't spell it out.
I haven't really dated since I became aware of the existence of the aro/ace label
(it's been years), but I remember feeling stressed out on dates because I can
tell when, in the general script of A Date it would be natural to add some
physical contact or where a kiss might be appropriate and stuff like that, but I
didn't particularly want to do it. And I could tell the person I was with got
disappointed, or got mixed signals. I've had people tell me that I didn't seem
that interested in them or one that went you don't seem to need a romantic
partner, I'm not sure why you're on dating apps?. It was hurtful at the time, but
I also couldn't disagree, because I hated dating, it's exhausting (again, a lot of
this is the autism –being around people is very taxing for me). So, the feeling of
wanting friendship or companionship, but not being able to perform to the
script of dating and therefore being rejected is very raw for me still. It's lonely.
It's also stressful. Everyone wants to move so fast, while it can take me years to
connect with someone to a point where I would like to be sexual with them,
they write you off as not interested after two dates without kissing. No one
sticks around long enough for me to develop attraction. :(

don't try to aim for The Perfect Representation,
 bc we can look like a lot of
different things, and don't be prescriptive about what being aro/ace must mean
about a person. being aro, ace, or aroace is one aspect of what makes a person
themself, and is an important aspect but is also not the only aspect. make sure
they're a full person rather than just being present to be aroace rep

I think mainly make sure they’re a person outside of their sexuality as well.

remember that these labels are not static and one-dimensional. These labels
are there to refer to a relationship between a self and a social system and there
are many ways that it may look. For example, asexual isn't just about the lack of
sexual attraction, it is a way to describe the varied ways that a person
experiences their place in a sexually normative world while existing outside of
it.

Talk to people who identify as somewhere on the spectrum. Get multiple
perspectives because we all see aceness differently and your writing should
reflect that nuance.

Sorry idk uhh like, as long as you're being respectful and do your research I
think it's fine! I'd also say that even tho a character is aro/ace or both, there are
tons of different relationships and they can still be (and not be, as well) in one!
Aro/ace strict characters, as well. Things like queerplatonic relationships, and
tbh even traditionally romantic relationships. There are so so many different
kinds of relationships. The most important thing is communicating! Every
person is unique in the way they feel and express themselves, and I think that's
beautiful. I think first you should establish the kind of character you want to
portray.

1) Remember that everyone is different and that ace/aro is a spectrum. Not
every aro is ace, and not every ace is aro. It is also only part of your character,
not their entire personality.
2) Being aro/ace does not make your character childish/immature/cute/
innocent or vice versa. Your character can be immature and ace, but they
should not be immature because they’re Aspec or Aspec because they’re
immature.
3) I think it is important to show Aspec characters with other meaningful
relationships. There’s this stigma around these identities, especially aromantic,
that they’re cold or emotionless, so it’s important to show their relationships
with friends and/or family.


Maybe less true now, (I'm old) but since everyone only knows the inside of
their head, most people grow up assuming they're allo, and that everyone's
experience of attraction looks like theirs. Many aces don't figure it out until
they're quite a bit older.
Hopefully it's not as true as it used to be, but it used to be much easier for
women in some Christian cultures not to know they are ace, since they receive
the message women don't like sex, they just give it to men who pressure
them or because they love them or w/e. The first time I knew a woman who
was open about being horny, it was revelatory to me.

I didn't know I was aroace until after getting married. I always recognized I was
different from others (beginning around middle school) because I wasn't boy
crazy or really interested in dating; I also didn't understand why people would
want to be with people with terrible personality/ethical traits because they
were physically/sexually attracted to them. Nonetheless, this really didn't
impact my life - I never put much thought into why I didn't want to date and
seemingly was able to resist whatever sexual urges other people had that drove
them to illogical behavior/unhealthy relationships. I think it is important that a
writer decenters sexual and romantic relationships from the storyline and
instead focuses on all the other personality traits, talents, hobbies, and career
goals of the aro/ace-spec character. I think it is important to demonstrate that
we're deeply caring, loving, passionate people who live fulfilled lives - not that
we're in agony over the fact that we're not in a romantic/sexual relationship.

it perhaps depends on how old the character is but perhaps the most
important thing is to not portray an aroace character as being incomplete
(when they are single), unsexy (it's time to break this stereotype! aroace people
are sexy too!) or sad (because they seemingly can't find the right person). i am
not sad because i am who i am! it's society that assumes that i must be sad for
not having a partner.
from my experience as an aroace teenager, i did a lot to fit in, and figuring out
my sexual identity took much longer than it took my fellow gay friends. A story
arc that explores figuring out asexuality needs many pit stops before arriving at
the end.
lastly, because aroaces tend to be less interested in love and sex, they have a
closer focus on other interests and hobbies, and these mean a lot to them. i
don't know many aroaces who sat at home and wondered what is wrong with
them (when figuring out their sexual identity), they had/have hobbies, and
they live a full life.

since relationships aren't a priority for many of us, we spend a lot of time on
friendship, platonic bonds, and our community <3

Everyone experiences being ace/aro spec a little bit differently. Some ace
people want to be in romantic relationships, some don’t. Some ace people are
okay with having sex or intimacy, and some aren’t.
Romantic and sexual attraction are two different things!! There can be romance
without sex, and there can be sex without romance.
There are a lot of ways to engage in intimacy or closeness that doesn’t involve
sex. Cuddling, holding hands, or kissing (sometimes) can all be ways to show
intimacy without going further.

The character can still acknowledge other people are attractive/beautiful/
handsome! We know! And it’s important to know that aromantic and asexual
don’t always go together! I’m HYPER biromantic and demisexual. We come in
so many flavors. I personally find attraction confusing and weird. Others don’t
know enough to even think that! Research identities and see what fits your
character and story the best.

Keep in mind the split-attraction model (or research it if never heard of before)
and the distinction between attraction and libido. Sure, for many ace people
these can align but for plenty of others it doesn't. It's important that even if the
character is aroace with little/no libido or sex repulsion, the language used to
describe them and their identity doesn't deny the existence of other
aroacespec identities and experiences. Also, you have to be very careful if any
trauma is present/related to the character and how this happens and is
described in relation to their sexuality. Pathologizing is one of the biggest
issues the aroacespec community still faces, not that characters can't have
trauma but the distinction must be clear. Finally, it's great when characters are
not constantly faced with negative reactions every time their identity is
brought up.

while aspecs can be in relationships that they aren't attracted to, i'd
reccomend avoiding it if you don't fell confident protraying the nuance of
showing how a character feels about the relationship. havong the character go
without a relationship is also amazing representation and helos break
anatonormative (hope i spelled that right) orms

I don’t necessarily have tips bc I believe everyone’s experiences are so unique.
There’s some ace stories I’ll read that I’ll relate to instantly and others where I
know it’s an experience others have but it’s not my perspective. The same can
be said with my gender and sexuality as well. I would say, perhaps, tho, that it’s
a fluid process. I’ve slept around and not realized I didn’t care for it. It parallels
comphet, in that way, for me. Until I took a step back and examined my own
interests instead of just what I thought would keep people interested in me,
then I’ve had to come to terms that I’m under different umbrellas than I once
thought.

Just don't change their opinion at the end of the story. Keep it consistent.
Some people want to be in relationships even though they are aromantic.
There's lots of different types of relationships from Queer Platonic, to friends
with benefits, or maybe your aromantic but are still in a romantic relationship
with your partner. There's lots of different reasons and they really can't all be
summarized in one character. Go deep and decide microlabels... you don't
have to mention them but they'll help you write more specific experiences.

1. To avoid characters that are tragic/sad because they can't feel those types
of love/affection. We have lives that are rich especially because of the other
relationships we've built through our lives. There are already enough characters
that feel they should be fixed, don't make yours another one.
2. To create characters that are happy within themselves and their relationships
without feeling like they're missing something. There's nothing to miss.

Oftentimes, it feels like sex is treated as the natural end-point or “goal” of an
emotionally intimate relationship. While ace/aro-spec people may still be
interested in sex for other reasons, I still think it’s important to consider that our
“end goal” will often look different.
For instance, I would be perfectly satisfied to literally share a bed with someone
and cuddle under the covers, without any need to take things “further”.

We aren't all autistic, and we aren't emotionless
 robots. We just have different
base desires.

Don't assume we're naive! We can be very observant, or experienced but with
different emotional outcomes.
Some of us know we're aro/ace early on and some of us need to come to a
realization after experience.
We have different levels of tolerance for sexual/romantic subjects, from
squeamish due to discomfort at the idea of being in it, or indifferent/amused
because we have no stake in the game.
Include cultural factors, like different religious backgrounds, unique
experiences for BIPOC folks, or language impacts.
There are intersections of disability and asexuality/aromanticism, but that
doesn't mean they're linked.

It needs to be more than just Im ace or that they (The character) just dont
date.

That not all of us are aro. The rare time I do see an ace character they always
seem to be aro. I get crushes, even though it's rare, I fall in love. I don't mind
physical things but it can take me a long time to work up to it and it may not
happen as often as the other person would like. And how physical things don't
always come natural.

Let them be fully fleshed characters too! An explicit statement that they’re ace
could be helpful in solidifying them and making the aceness canon, but take it
deeper. Get into their thoughts, feelings, experiences, dialogue, internal
monologue, where they may have contrast to their peers or secrets they don’t
always tell everyone. If this is a side character, it still could be cool to have
them share some of that experience with the MC; they could even be positive
experiences!
On the flip side, not all representation has to be about the struggles. It can be
happy or even just neutral normal. Gay representation is often easier because a
character can just have a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner or call someone hot and
everyone else already knows. For aces, it’s understandably harder to give
immediately obvious rep. I’m still figuring it out myself, but chances are, since
amatonormativity is all around us, aceness shows when a character reacts in
contrast to everyone else’s “normal” reaction. It doesn’t even have to be a big
deal—there’s opportunity for an ace character to be sarcastic or funny when
they see allo characters act funny.
Chances are, it’s more obvious a character is aro/ace when they’re older and
unpartnered because their priorities are elsewhere and they don’t see the need
to change that. There have for centuries been a lot of stories with the cold,
heartless, perpetually single person who either needs to learn to change that to
show they’re human, or never change that and thus are an inhuman villain. I see
a lot of rich aro/ace representation in subverting these tropes, in which a
character is unaffected by usual attractiveness but demonstrates warmth,
happiness, or care for humanity in different ways. They don’t even have to be
outwardly super affectionate to show connection—like Wednesday!

Remember that consent and boundaries are very important. I’d also say
include some sort of authors note or annotation that explains what sexuality is,
because it’s not a common term. Also would love to see a sex-favourable
character because those are rare, and it’s important to spread the message that
having sex doesn’t invalidate you as an asexual person.

Be clear about where under the umbrella you want them to fall. Some people
are aro-ace, but there are sex-positive aces and aros who love a little flirt, and
not everyone is both at once or to the same degree.
Not every ace is sex-repulsed.
Most aro and ace orientations are not caused by anything, trauma or otherwise.
They just are, like any other sexual or romantic orientation. But both aro and
ace folks are discriminated against, with everything from microaggressions
about not finding the right person yet to corrective rape. Be careful when
applying your traumatic backstories.
And, if it's appropriate in setting, having a character actually describe
themselves with labels is super useful right at this moment, when aro and ace
representation is really only just starting out.

Characters should not be a stereotype

I would say this really for any queer character - but an especially important key
to compelling aro and acespec characters is fleshing them out as whole people
in a positive sense. By that, I mean not that they are not just not doing or not
feeling/engaging in something, but rather emphasizing what they are doing/
what they do feel/how they do engage with issues, trends and people around
them. Our identities tend to be framed oftentimes as a negative, open space,
lack of something, but all the aces and aros I know are anything but.

If you are going to do it, make it well known that this character is aro/ace/
aroace-spec. The biggest struggle for the community is the wide population
not knowing what it is or knowing people like that exist.
Try not to write the character in a way that prevents the audience to discredit
that character’s sexuality.

Well for starters, consulting people who fall on the aro/ace spectrum is good!
Such as these questionnaires lmao. But other than that, I’d encourage talking to
a range of people. That way, we avoid any stereotypes and writers are able to
get a real feel for their characters. I don’t publish any work, but I do enjoy
writing and doing literary role plays. So personally, I am empathetic with my
characters in the way that I put myself in their shoes even if I don’t completely
understand what it is like to have a sexual desire or a romantic attraction. Might
be a little difficult, but I definitely encourage trying a similar approach, if other
writers are similar in their approaches to characters. It also doesn’t hurt to
contact trusted people who are aro/ace and see if your characters are
“realistic” enough! (I couldn’t think of a better word :( sorry!)

Aces long for romantic relationships too! Not everyone is sex repulsed! I wish
when portraying an ace character in a relationship, they didn't suddenly focus
on the sexual part when it happens, like a major breakthrough, as if we are
being fixed. We are more than just sexual beings and by making sex the
central part when someone is a sex-favorable ace, feels like taking away part of
the identity. I hope for stories to show more intimacy and strong emotional
relationships that does not have to include sexual acts every time.
Also aces make sex jokes too lol or dress sexy and doesn't have to mean we
want sex.
Also wish more characters and plots focused on platonic relationships. Platonic
relationships deserve to be in the same level as romantic ones, if not, I think
they are more important. Been alive for over 30 years and my friends and
family are everything to me. I never felt I was missing something and I think
that is something other people should see in stories too.
Oh, for characters to be diverse. I feel there is a lot of white aces
representation. POC and disable aces exist too! (I know there's some Asian
characters but they are the least)

Focus on the emotions and the cerebral. Imagine the people are amorphous
blobs of consciousness--what might attract them to each other? Figure that all
out for your characters first before you put them into meat suits.
Anything to do with the physical is aesthetic. I can become interested in a
person because of their sense of style, if it seems cool to me. Because the
sense of style, the way they dress, groom themselves, carry themselves, or
even treat their body, can make me think they would be a really interesting
person who I would want to know.
Consider that a huge proportion of asexual people are also neurodivergent.
And often twice-exceptional. I personally am level 1 autistic and gifted (I'm a
member of Mensa and Intertel)
Also consider that a large proportion of asexual people are into the kink scene.
I can't speak to this personally, but I recommend you find some kinky aces and
listen to how that works for them.

don't be afraid to write them as just as human or down to earth as any of the
rest of the characters in the story. and especially if said aroace character is a
lead - make sure they have their own struggles/insecurities. aroace people
don't have it easier bc of their identities, in fact it can cause a whole breadth of
other issues in facing off amatonormativity (which is very similar to
heteronormativity, i wish more media acknowledged this!)

Read/ask about the experiences of aroace people. Also, to me, my own
identity is a little confusing sometimes and I can't predict the pattern of my
own attraction, and I'd love to see that represented somewhere!

Recognizing that labels aren't exact. Having an ace character doesn't mean
they will always behave in exact correspondence to their label. People are
complex. And sexuality can change over a lifetime.

I my experience demi people do not experience love (or attraction) at first
sight. We have to get to know the person and form a friendship first. It takes
time.
Also, I do not know sexual attraction to strangers or even pictures. I can say
this person looks beautiful but would never feel sexually attracted by just
looking at some one.

1) DO NOT CONVERT US. I REPEAT: DO NOT CONVERT US. We are just like any
other romantic or sexual orientation and writing it away with therapy IS
ENDORSING CONVERSION THERAPY
2) some folks do have a root to their lack of sexual attraction—just
 because
there’s a reason for something doesn’t invalidate its existence.
**But if that is not your experience, it is not yours to write.**
You risk invalidating all of our identities with your misconceptions.
3) sexuality doesn’t translate in innocence, purity, naïveté, etc. They’re grown,
too lol. They can like sex jokes too. The topic of doesn’t have to be
uncomfortable or triggering—it just isn’t always relatable.
4) Aro/Ace folks can and do get married. They can and do have children.
5) aromantic/allosexual—just like being bisexual—doesn’t mean you’re a ho.
Sometimes we totally are, but monogamy doesn’t equal morality. Many, like
myself, find being on the same page EXTREMELY important. I don’t cheat on
people, I don’t insert myself into monogamous relationships, I don’t like or
coheres.
6) if one more person tells me I just haven’t been swept of my feet…
7) Don’t assume we don’t know things lol. There are a TON of things I don’t get
about romantic relationships—I do not understand returning to people who
hurt you (barring abusive relationships which are designed to entrap)
But despite that lack of understanding—I *know* that these dynamics exist and
can read them very well.

My best tip is to remember that the keyword is “spectrum”. Even if you’re using
real individuals or other characters as models or guides, it’s not *the*
experience, because everyone experiences it differently. When writing an aro/
ace character, you have to consider them on a specific, rather than general,
level. This will help avoid stereotyping.


Oof that's a hard one since it's such a varied label. I'm gay ace so that's mostly
what I can talk about lmao. I want romance! We can go on dates, kiss, hold
hands, fall in love, get butterflies around the person/people we like. I just don't
want to have sex. And I probably never will as the idea makes my stomach
churn. Like unless both characters are asexual (I'm making this monogamous)
there will be the inevitable conversation about not wanting sex. Been there
done that. Just don't write us like robots, please.

Please show the variety of healthy relationships that people on the aro and ace
spec people have. Show the value in their platonic and sexual relationships.
Explore the entire spectrum. Actually talk to aro and ace people. Learn the
challenges they face, how they express feelings, how they move within their
relationships.

To give the character as much attention as any other. If your story is revolving
around relationships, dive into it and don't shy away. It is okay for Ace/Aro
storylines to create conflict with other characters because that is how it is in
everyday life. We do get questioned and excluded from conversations, the best
thing is to not carry that over into the media and make it even more
acceptable.

Aro and ace people have different presentations and don't all have the same
experiences. I also would avoid having the inclusion of these characters be
seen as tokenistic and try and explore how a characters identity as aro or ace
impacts their story eg avoid sex education's style having one ace character
where their coming out is just looks to camera as google definition of ace is
said. It combines with other identities, as example Im an aromantic woman
and I experience an isolation from other women due to the expectation that
women love romance, whereas ace men suffer from not being seen as man
enough if they dont like sex.

Do your research into different kinds of aroace identities and experiences!
You’re already at a great start. Ace Dad Advice on Instagram is one of many
great sources. There are lots of indie fiction books by aroace authors that have
great and diverse representation as well.
I haven’t read all of these yet, and representation varies by book, but some
authors who I know include great representation in their books include
Margherita Scalia (aromantic rep), Sarah Wallace (demiromantic, demisexual,
and aromantic rep), and Azalea Crowley (asexual rep). I also hear great things
about the trad pub book Dear Wendy by Ann Zhao (asexual).

I think a lot of aro/ace/aroace-spec characters I've seen have been coming out
or coming to love oneself stories. Don't get me wrong, these are useful and
they serve their purpose. But I'd love to see a self actualized aroace person.
One who has come to terms with and loves themselves. Who has built a
community and has troubles from being non-partnered in a marriage-centric
world but that is only PART of their story.
I also think a lot of aro/ace/aroace people have a different relationship to their
gender than most allos. It'd be fun to see that in a story as well.

Do your research, especially if you aren't aro or ace. There are so many
different experiences for being aro/ace/aroace. I want to read more books
about aro/ace/aroace joy. Friendships are just as important as romantic
relationships.

Ace characters can enjoy sex!
Being asexual myself, my characters in romance usually form some kind of
connection first and they may even find the other character beautiful- but they
don’t feel anything sexual or use words such as “hot” or “sexy.”
If they decide to have sex, they enjoy it but it’s never this amazing mind
blowing thing.
Also, asexuality doesn’t exist in a bubble. It can coincide with autism, gender
dysphoria in transgender people, depression etc. So of course asexuality is a
real thing, but it can be hard to untangle from other things going on in our
lives. Trauma as well.

They don't really need to behave differently than anyone else, and there
doesn't need to be attention brought to their aceness unless the situation
turns specifically towards dating/sexual intimacy for them.
I make a LOT of sex jokes! I draw penises! I seem like a pretty horny silly gal if
you didn't know I was ace. As long as it's pretend or separated from me, it's
fine. I can also hear of friends exploits and not be grossed out.
An ace character doesn't NEED to be sex repulsed at all. They can just be
regular and then be like nah I don't wanna do that but thanks for the offer.
Where I would bring attention to it is dating, the uncertainty of is this person
going to understand? Push my boundaries?
Or if they specifically are in a sexual situation

Talk to asexual people and listen to their stories. Each asexual person is
different and going to have different experiences.

Do research, talk to people (Twitter is a really good place for finding people of
the ace community). It's such a wide umbrella that everyone's experience is
different.

Every person experiences their identity differently, but umbrella labels can feel
easier for them to explain to other people, and have some comfort (though I
know other people feel differently about this and love their microlabels)! I think
it's important to really think out how your character came to understand their
identity, because unlike other sexual identities that hinge on an attraction that
exists possibly outside the norm, the LACK of attraction is so much easier to
miss, because society will just keep telling you it hasn't happened YET. The
critical moment for realizing you're aro/ace/aroace is when you realize Whoa,
actually, I know it isn't ever going to happen, and that's so f-cking chill. (or
whatever accompanying emotion). Personally, as an aroace-spec person, I am
totally fine in my normal every day life without thinking about my identity until
the moment amatonormative comments are made, and then it feels like I'm in
some sort of cosmic joke. I think being able to write an inner monologue of a
character who either understands or is working out their identity in a believable
way is important. And most importantly, I (and I'd think other aroace spec
people) don't want to see a character let other characters who don't
understand try to bully them out of their identity.

Talk to folks in the communities you wanna include in your story, especially if
their identity is going to be relevant to the details of the story. Like, if you as a
creator are not Black, I would hope you’d think to talk to Black folks if you were
going to include a Black character in your works whose Blackness is relevant to
the story.
Don’t make your ace/aro characters explain asexuality/aromanticism to the
reader

I would love to see a gray asexual character in a story. A character who rarely
feels sexual attraction but when they do, they do. I would also love to see an
asexual character with a high libido cause people usually confuse sex drive
with sexual attraction. There are lots of people out there who are indeed on the
asexual spectrum but they don't even know it because they can't differentiate
between sex drive and sexual attraction. A story exploring that experience
would be nice. Also asexual people are very good at writing sexual tension
because we are often in need of our imagination to trigger certain desires in us
to initiate intimacy. We rely on our creativity a lot and it's an interesting detail
about asexual people. Lots of kinky people are asexual and it's worth exploring
so that people might stop seeing us as robots without desires. A very
passionate asexual couple would an interesting story to tell.

there are so many different ways to be in the aroace-spec. it is just a name, a
label for people who are different, but there are no limits to different. don't try
to embrace everyone in one character, no one can feel or have it all.
 stick to
what you belive and what you character tells you about them. don't try to force
anything or to make them be like every single person on the spectrum cause
it's not possible

Please don't make us empty or robotic. I care about my friends and my partner
deeply.
I felt broken for a very long time and most of the examples of characters I see
out there are either the robot trope or are cold and calculating people.
I'd love to see characters who navigate an Allo world and either have no
interest or just connect to others in different ways - I can appreciate beautiful
bodies and consider someone aesthetically attractive, just don't consider sex
on the top of things to do.

The lack of desire is the most important thing, of course. Characters don't
have to be sex-repulsed, but I've seen very few who are, and it'd be really cool
to see more of them! I also think it's important to emphasize that ace people
can have happy, healthy relationships where the lack of sex just isn't even an
issue. These relationships, naturally, can be queer, too!

Don't assume that they're totally naive and know nothing about sex, or that
they're all repulsed by it. Also people who are aro/ace/aroace-spec are still able
to find plenty of things in life to fulfil them without sex or a relationship.

There is a TREMENDOUS feeling of disenfranchisement being ace in gay male
communities. Where sex has been outlawed and reclaiming it is important to
queer movements, my identity has caused discomfort because the idea of
repressing sexuality is tied to oppressive systems and there is natural
pushback. When writing for queer characters, I would encourage writers not to
assume that coming out bestows us with an encyclopedic knowledge of queer
histories and identities and we are sometimes unwittingly cruel and othering to
one another. Also sex negativity can be part of ace identity but it is not a given.
Consider whether the ace character has a relationship with sex that is more
economical or practical.


Question 3.
Who is your favourite self-labelled aro/ace/aroacespec character in a tv show, film or book and
why?

I don't watch enough tv, and I don't really read things because there's an aro/
ace/aroace-spec character. But I do headcanon many characters as ace or
aroace

I love Clementine in the book How to Sell Your Blood and Fall in Love by DN
Bryn. He’s also great autism rep and I related to him well. He is Demi but like I
said, that’s usually what I come across in books, so I don’t relate completely but
most of his experience was relatable for me

Georgia from Alice Oseman’s Loveless by miles, because it feels like she’s me.
Her internal process, the situations she put herself into, everything mirrored my
own experience and how I feel. Also I read it at the time when I was still figuring
out the aromantic part, and I put myself in a situation similar to her, and when I
read it I cried so much because it was the moment it finally dawned on me that
I was, in fact, aro.
Also, I want to mention Isaac from Heartstopper (TV show), because once again
I connected with how he was affected by the others expectations and
commentary on his relationship with the other guy. Also, like me, he read Ace
by Angela Chen, which was a huge game changer in how I perceived myself
and how I undesrtood even more common concepts like “consent”. I hope him
reading this book brought attention to it, because it offers great reflections on
sexuality not just for a-specs but also for allos.

I like Jughead Jones. He’s friendly and a part of the group and adventures,
while being accepted exactly how he is.

Alastor in Hazbin Hotel. I haven't seen many aro/ace characters in the things
I've watched as they are more so in animated shows and I haven't seen many. I
really like when it's something that is understood and accepted without making
a big deal of it between different characters. That doesn't always feel like real
life, but it is the goal in life so it's always nice to see. And hopefully the more it
is shown the more it will be accepted.

i really like to see karlach from baldurs gate 3 as sex favourable aspec,
because she is physically unable to touch anyone and despite being horny all
the time after you manage to cool her down a bit, she goes on a romantic date
and REALLY likes to kiss and cuddle instead of having sex (although you totally
can)

Ekundayo Kunleo from Raybearer
Nathaniel from Tarnished are the Stars
Alastor from Hazbin Hotel (is cannonically ace)
Keladry of Mindelan from Tamora Pierce's stories is a good example of
someone who doesn't come across as ace (and probably doesn't have the
vocab for it to self identify) for a lot of folks but whom the author has said is on
the ace spectrum.

Sohmeng Parminhal from the Saoni Cycle Series by Avi Silver. I love her bad.
Most of the series is her POV so we know her feelings and motivations all the
way through. The way her QPR with Hei and *spoilers* Ahn develops is really
beautiful to watch and I feel like we get so few Aromantic characters in media
especially ones where you see how far they go for people they love and they
get to be real and fully fleshed out. I don't even know if I can do justice to this
series here, but Avi Silver does amazing work for queer stories and The Saoni
Cycle Series has both an Aromantic Protagonist and an Ace Protagonist (in
book 2) so it's a good example of writing these characters, in my opinion.

I like Nancy from Every Heart a Doorway (Seanan McGuire). She's a cool, richly
written character and being ace is only a small part of her personality - there's
much more to her and you find out she is ace almost in passing.
Most ace representation in TV/film either makes me cringe or is so minimal as
to be pretty much negligible.
I've read Loveless and I like the way Alice Oseman writes her central character,
but I didn't love the book, simply because I don't enjoy YA fiction as much as I
used to.
(NB: I haven't seen Bojack Horseman and I have only seen one series of
Heartstopper, so haven't seen Isaac in full flight yet - I'm not enjoying YA as
much as I used to, so I'm slow on the uptake).

Don't really have one, because I don't seek out that kind of stories? And again,
if they explicitly label themselves as aro/ace/whatever, I often like the story
*less*. For me, being aro/ace means being not interested in talking about it
either. It's like talking about God with an atheist – what's the point?

I think a character can be canonically aroace without using that specific
terminology, and to be honest most of my favourite characters don't actively
use that label -- probably because I most enjoy reading scifi, fantasy, and
historical fiction, so labels that come out of current queer movements aren't
necessarily relevant for the characters to be using. I don't read much that's set
in the present day on planet earth! However it does severely limit what
characters I can name that are explicitly aroace.
But some of my faves are Murderbot (from The Murderbot Diaries series),
Breq (from the Imperial Radch trilogy), and Strength and Patience of the Hill
(from The Raven Tower), all nonhuman intelligences who I find highly
interesting and who make it very clear they're not interested in sex or romance.
I like how much they're just....exactly themselves, and how they're shown to
care deeply about the things and people that are important to them, in their
own ways, even if none of them makes a lot of sense to the allo humans around
them. I particularly relate to Murderboth and Breq, whose experience of
neurodivergence and of relationship to emotions is familiar to me too.
One book that's set on modern earth and can be more explicit about these
things that I really like is Elatsoe. The main character, Ellie, is explicitly asexual
(and probably aromantic) and it's just a fact about her, and there's no ace 101
speeches by characters or narrative.
I also really like Zach from That Kind of Guy who is demisexual, and I enjoyed
that his character arc, of learning how to say no to people, includes the sexual
dimension but isn't limited to the sexual dimension. The kinds of things that
make a person who they are will show up in multiple layers of their life!
special mention to Enjolras from Les Miserables whose mistress is the country
of France. <3 I DON'T find him relatable but I do love him!

Todd from Bojack Horseman. It felt like a natural progression of his character
and was handled great because it was a facet of him. I also think it’s interesting
that the Head Writer spoke about it ‘feeling right’ for Todd to be asexual and
later realised that that was probably because of stereotypes and unconscious
bias but because they had consultants, he was able to make sure the
representation didn’t fall into any stereotypes of unconscious bias.

I don't really have one.

Isaac from Heartstopper. There is just something so wholesome and relatable
about this kid who loves everyone else’s romances but doesn’t need it for
himself. Plus, I was sold on him the moment he stood at a sporting event
reading a book. That is peak nerd icon behavior. We love to see it.

Lilith from The Owl House. I really like how they portrayed her, it was really
refreshing. I like how they never tried to put her in a relationship too.

Probably Lilith Cawthorne from The Owl House. She’s an interesting character
with a well-developed story that takes her from villain to hero. Being ace isn’t
part of her story, but it is there in that she doesn’t have a love interest. In the
beginning, she comes across as cold, but it’s not related to her being Aspec,
and it’s shown she does care about her sister. She’s also a flawed character.
She messes things up, makes mistakes, and does things she later regrets. As
the series goes on, we see her develop strong relationships with not only her
sister but Luz, King, and especially Hooty.
I like her because she’s an interesting character who just happens to be aro/
ace. I like her because she’s flawed and not written to be some sort of perfect
aro/ace person.
Though I would like to throw in an honourable mention for Heartstopper's
Isaac, I thought his discovery of asexuality and aromanticism was really nicely
done.


(I was going to say none, but:) Rukha in The Map and the Territory by A.M.
Tuomala. She's so loyal to her friends and interested in people, the fact she's
not interested in sex/romance is a really small part of her.

I do not have one because there has never been an aro/ace-spec character I
relate to.

i only know two, and i like them both: isaac from heartstopper and todd from
bojack horseman. i like that isaac's story arc follows figuring out sexual identity
and does so in a realistic way. he isn't mocked or portrayed as the last sad
single in the friend group. todd's asexuality is only explored in a later season of
bojack horseman which shows that he is already a full and complete person in
himself before the viewer learns why he single and does not want to change
that. in both cases, it seems like the writers really informed themselves and did
everything to write a realistic and round character.

i've never seen one!

Lilith from The Owl House! Technically, it isn’t ever directly stated in the show,
but there’s promotional material that confirms she’s aro/ace. I love Lilith, her
redemption arc, and her entire character. She’s nerdy, charming, and cares
fiercely for the people she loves.
To be honest, though, I couldn’t think of any other ace and/or aro characters in
the media thay I watch!

Currently Olivia from HelluvaBoss

Georgia in Loveless. Even though she is kiss and sex repulsed, which I'm not,
overall her experiences were highly relatable. On one hand, she loves love, so
she's highly into romance films and books and just the general idea of love
while still being aromantic. She tries to force herself to meet societal
expectations in relationships and kissing, etc. But this only made her realize her
differences even further. Even so, her hardships were deeply validated by those
around her while still holding her accountable for some of her not-so-great
actions.

technically a game, but i like siffrin form 'in stars and time', but moreso for their
character instead of their asexuality

I’ll be honest I don’t actually know any off the top of my head.

I don't know any.

I don’t get to see many ace/aro-spec characters in media. Peridot from Steven
Universe is the main example that comes to mind. I like that she could still be a
hero while still not participating in fusion, which allegorically represents
different sorts of intimacy and relationships. She still got to help save the day in
the end, and everyone was ultimately respectful of her boundaries, which I
think is very sweet.

I struggle to think of any sort of positive/non-token representation, but Isaac
from the webcomic Val and Isaac is a pretty good example; he just exudes
asexuality even when it isn't made explicit through the text, and he's just super
into things and is great at making friendships even without having any sexual
interest in anyone else.

Probably Todd Chavez, because he's a weird interesting guy in general and the
asexuality was a side plot. A lot of us come to the conclusion we're aro/ace as
an afterthought, so it doesn't need to be part of an origin story.

Elsa, I love the idea that she doesn't need anyone but also doesn't really want
anyone.

In a TV show, Todd Chavez from Bojack Horseman. I love how happy-go-lucky
he is, and how he truly has his own arc of calling people out, setting his own
boundaries:
-ok with pretending to be someone’s bf/fiance to help someone but not ok with
pretending for the rest of his life in a marriage
-ok with dating but not ok with forcing himself to be sexual
-ok with dating aces who ask him out but not ok with pushing through if the
only thing they have in common is being asexual
-still willing to be “more than not friends” with a toxic friend, not ok with being
treated badly/manipulated/taken for granted in a friendship, etc.
He loves to help people with all his free time, but his biggest arc is being able
to prioritize and protect himself, and then help people from there. It’s just such
a hugely relatable arc that many of us 20-somethings need.
I love that in a particularly raunchy world, when he comes out as asexual it is
immediately respected, and it’s normalized. He seems to be obliviously part of
the movement, as asexuality becomes more of a normal word around him.
I love that he has his own personality besides his asexuality; it’s not that his
personality is an absence of something nor a list of identities he recites
robotically. He has his own adventures, quirks, humor, creativity, optimism,
ADHD wacky ideas and ways of thinking, and ways he shows friendship (like
making up an emergency to get his friend to leave a party to see fireworks
outside because “oh you seemed overwhelmed, so I had to get you out of
there.”
He also does have his shortcomings and struggles—he wants to get his parents
off his back because “I’m happy! why can’t you be happy for me?” when he has
a job he enjoys and life he loves. His stepdad is a person of color who
witnesses firsthand that Todd indeed has the privilege to be so quirky and
wacky without life-threatening consequence. Narratively we empathize with
Todd and then also see where he may be shortsighted or flawed.

Tv show: Ca$h from Heartbreak High. It felt super realistic and grounded in
reality, especially as he also identified as gay as well. The complications with
him dating an allosexual person and both of them adapting. His asexuality
never felt like it was in the process of erasing. It’s by far the most fleshed out
storyline of an ace person I’ve ever seen.
Book: Georgia and Sunil from Loveless (by Alice Oseman)
Not aro myself but the struggles that Georgia went through with not having
sexual attractions and the internalised acephobia felt real. As a gay-ace Asian
man, Sunil was basically written for me so I felt so seen and validated.


My favorite right now is the main character of Shelley Parker Chan's She who
Became the Sun and He who Drowned the World. It's not an important focal
point of the character, but it's very explicitly explained that she loves pleasing
her wife, but is not interested in the return. Nor is she interested in sex with
anyone else. It's simply not a factor in her calculations. The idea of a sexindifferent
ace in a historical fiction is very compelling, especially since, in the
context of the story, it makes very little difference. It's just a part of who she is.

The ones I write :) Because for my characters, their identities are part of a
wider, mutually uplifting and beautiful puzzle of who they are.

Honestly in the media I consume, there isn’t one.

I’m not too sure if it counts, but I have a soft spot for Saiki Kusuo from ‘The
Disastrous Life of Saiki K’. I have only seen the anime, but he is heavily implied
to be asexual, while the aromanticism is slightly more ambiguous (but still
implied). He was the first representation I saw in media while I was still figuring
myself out, so of course I love him. (Also the show is funny as hell so)

Felicity Montague- The Lady's Guide to Petticoats and Piracy
While she does not mention she's aroace, the author confirmed it. She was my
first aroace character portrayed in a book in a way that felt relatable as the
book focuses on friendship and working on your goals. She's ambitious and her
story is not focused on her romantic life or lack of it, it is just part of her.
Georgia Warr and Sunil Jha - Loveless
I wish this book had existed when I was a teen haha. Several of the experiences
and thoughts of Georgia were mine when younger and before I discovered
asexuality was a thing. For me the importance of Sunil compared to other
characters out there is that he KNOWS what he is, he is a comfort and not a
character going through discovering his type of attraction. He doesn't hide it
and talks about it which I feel most characters out there is just a passing by
comment.
Tori Spring - Solitaire/ Heartstopper
I think is the way she's on the spectrum but she shows her love for her brother
and care for others and in general is not an innocent/naive character.
However, I while I'm thankful her sexuality is not central to the stories I wish it
was explored a little bit more or embraced~

Can't think of any

this is just one of my favorites but izutsumi from dungeon meshi. because
she's part monster the
 succubi can't affect her as well, and she wonders if she
still has a heart. because of amatonormativity there are aroace ppl that wonder
if they're somehow broken bc of their lack of sexual/romantic attraction

Todd from Bojack Horseman. I love the way they gradually introduced his
aceness, it wasn't a defining part of his character, although later there's a whole
episode about his brief relationship with an out and proud ace girlfriend. He
says at one point, 'I'm not gay, I'm not straight, I think I might be...nothing?' and
I found that relatable. He just seems not interested - including in the labelling
of it.

I barely know any.

You’ll probably get this one a lot but Todd from Bojack Horseman was a great
intro to asexuality. They actually explored the ace spectrum and put an ace
relationship on screen. And when their relationship ended, it had nothing to do
with their sexual orientations.


I honestly don’t consume much media that features aro/ace characters. The
only two that come to mind are Todd Chavez from Bojack Horseman and
Ekundayo from Jordan Ifueko’s “Raybearer.” I specifically remember feeling
Todd’s exploration as being deeply relatable, especially as his asexuality was
not conflated with aromanticism, as often happens.

Amm from Friend Zone 2 Dangerous Area. It's a Thai show and I have loved
Thai dramas since I was 13 so it was a huge deal. She falls in love with a girl and
realizes she's asexual. It's a wlw relationship so yeah, I WANT THAT FOR ME.

I pretty much only watch anime. I haven't seen anyone claim this.

Ellie from Kiss her once for me. This book was really comforting for me as it
showed the kind of relationship I crave regularly. It follows Ellie a woman who
identifies as a Demisexual lesbian as she falls in love, has her heart broken and
enters into a fake relationship. Overall I love it because it doesn't fully focus on
her sexuality since it is not an issue for the person she is falling in love with. I
think this tactic of not focusing on her sexuality really is comforting when
dealing with Aspec characters as so much of our romantic lives (at leas in my
case) focuses on if someone will accept my identity.

Im not familiar with any

I really love Gerry (Geraldine) in Sarah Wallace’s Meddle & Mend series. She is
demiromantic (not said in the text, due to the Regency England-inspired
setting, but confirmed by the author). She is a multi-faceted character living a
full life, having a career, friends, family, hobbies, etc. Demiromanticism is a
definite part of her life, but not her only characteristic. She is affectionate and
kind to everyone (except when they really don’t deserve it), which is nice to see
due to the stereotype that aroace people are always cold and unfriendly.

I don't know if I have one at the moment because they all fall into certain
tropes. The closest one would be Georgia from Loveless cuz I can relate to her
but that's a personal thing not something I necessarily think we need more of.

I just read Dear Wendy and both main characters Jo and Sophie are aroace
and I haven't read many (if any) books with characters who are both asexual
and aromantic and I could relate so much to both of them.

The main characters in His Quiet Agent, MM asexual romance book.

Sulvain from Novae.
I don't really know of many... he's the only one I can think of, but I like him
because he is affectionate and in a sexual relationship, but it takes him a while
to warm up and he has to do the awkward explaining of it all to his partner. But
outside of those explicit scenarios, it doesn't change him at all.

Todd from Bojack horseman. His experiences were very relatable. Its also nice
to see male asexual characters since it doesn't feel common. Women are told
we aren't asexual, that's it's just part of how women feel attraction. But men are
told they can't be asexual or they are less manly. So in my opinion it's nice to
see men have asexual characters. That it's ok to be a man and asexual and it's
not some woman trait. Its a valid orientation for everyone.

You know, I don't think I've ever come across a canon one.

This is so sad because I literally do not know any. I've not felt represented in
any of the media I've known. But I will make a shoutout to the character Sal in
Sal and Gabi Breaks the Universe by Carlos Hernandez. I don't have the quote
pulled up, but there's a moment where the adults are saying something to him
about oh, is that your girlfriend or something like that, and he clearly shuts
them down with a clever remark about not having that kind of thing on his
radar at all and they all just honor and accept it.

Unfortunately none spring to mind to me except for the pretty small character
from one of the early seasons of Sex Education. But having a sex therapist
validate someone as asexual is still noteworthy because I’ve had a lot of
concerns about how discussing my asexuality with medical providers could be
tricky (“Oh, why do you need PrEP then?” or “We can check your hormones”
and things like that)

I don't have one.

honestly I don't think about it too much. I feel like a lot of the aroace
characters represent a specific group of people. I'm still trying to find a
character on the spectrum that makes me feel a little more seen

I can't think of any self labelled ace characters in any of my media.

That's definitely Todd Chavez from BoJack Horseman! He's not perfect, but I
love that while he had storylines that revolved around his asexuality (See: The
ace dating app), he also had storylines that had nothing to do with his
orientation. It wasn't his whole identity, just one part of it.

I like Isaac from the TV version of 'Heartstopper' - I watched his scenes and felt
like I could relate to them, although he's also aromantic while I'm ace but
biromantic.

I cannot think of a compelling specifically labeled ace character from media.


Question 4
Who is a character you interpreted as aro/ace/aroacespec in a tv show, film or book and why?

Many, mostly because sexual tension doesn't really click in my mind. Because I
just recently watched Haikyuu movie, Kenma

Neil Josten in the All For The Game series my Nora Sakavic. He often says “I
don’t swing” when people ask him if he’s gay ir straight. His character is
obviously on the asexual spectrum but I don’t think it’s ever mentioned on the
page. But him saying that was one of the things that helped me realize I was
ace.

I’m going to say Reyna from The Heroes of Olympus (an Trials of Apollo) by
Rick Riordan. I think in canon she’s supposed to be hetero-romantic ace, but I
think she reads as aromantic too. I’m not really sure Riordan was really thinking
this, but, as I see it, her reasoning behind why she wanted to be both with
Jason and Percy was merely logical. It was about how usually the two camp
leaders tend to couple up, so it had to do with societal expectations and power
moves. When Jason returns as Piper’s boyfriend, I’ve always read Reyna’s hurt
as feeling betrayed and bruised ego, because they were close before he left
and moving towards becoming a couple; to me she doesn’t come off as
heartbroken.
On the other hand, I don’t really see explicitly the ace part of the character,
because they are middle grade books and the description of feelings tends to
be very PG. I actually feel that she was written with “aroace” in mind (and not
even necessarily since her first appearance), but muddling the terminology
with simply “asexual”.

Newt Scamander, he’s lovely, but never seems interest in kissing.

Wednesday Addams from Wednesday. I love how relationships were just not
something of interest to her and the one person that kept trying to push it on
her ended up being evil so it was seen as a bad thing that he was always trying
to push her rather than romantic like in some shows. I hate when characters
push another into something they clearly don't want and it is seen as such a
beautiful love story when in reality it is super toxic (the Notebook in my
unpopular take).

todd from bojack horseman is a very good depiction of the struggles one
might face as an aspec person


Michael from The Good Place. There's this great quote he has about
kissing=gross (just mashing foodholes together). He is able to build deep and
meaningful relationships but its never about attractions or romance. And yeah,
so he's technically a fire-squid in a human suit, but in the end he becomes
human! And he doesn't seek romance or sex but gets himself a dog.
If you're a gamer, I also personally interpret Aloy from the Horizon series as aroace
spec.
*note a lot of people in the community say Katniss Everdeen is ace/ code her
that way. I personally don't. It's a good example of where sometimes views can
diverge*

I'm going to give you two: Ria Khan from Polite Society and Hobie Brown from
Across the Spiderverse. For Ria, when I look at her focus on her career
prospects and exactly how far she went to stop her sister's marriage it kind of
screamed Aro at me, because I don't really
 relate to romance that much and I
only kind of understand it, but it's also really clear that it came from a place of
love for her sister and not wanting to be left behind, both of which are
extremely relatable feelings. In the case of Hobie, they did this thing where
they tried to make it seem like Hobie and Gwen could have been a thing in
order to make Miles jealous, but it's really obvious that Hobie wasn't feeling or
even paying attention to whatever those implications were. He was just really
into helping and hanging out with his friends, and overthrowing oppressive
regimes. If your Aro-spec character is not the main main character, I think
Hobie is a good example of an Aro side character.

1. Francesca and Eloise Bridgerton
Francesca has fallen in love (and will do so again) so I read her more as demi.
Eloise still comes across as gloriously ace to me - she just seems completely
uninterested in relationships, and seems content to be who she is. I like how
both of these characters are written. Francesca seems to represent the internal
conflict that comes with being expected by society to put the search for a
suitor above all else.
2. Moana. I read Moana as ace simply because she is fiercely independent and
never seems to show any interest whatsoever in finding a partner (let's see how
the second movie pans out!!) This is my favourite kind of ace rep (even if it isn't
official!) I like seeing people thrive without romantic love.
3. Elsa from Frozen. There has been some debate around this. Elsa has been
forced into isolation by her powers, but I like how she eventually becomes
content with who she is and embraces her independence.
4. Sherlock Holmes (although this is a slightly problematic portrayal)

Sherlock Holmes!!! (esp. the B. Cumberbatch version). I *hated* that everyone
did M/M fic of him and Watson. Hated it. Sherlock Holmes is not a sexual
creature at all in my headcanon. Leave him alone, let him be weird!!! Let him
have friends (or foes, in the case of Irene Adler eg) that give him intellectual
stimulation but don't take his clothes off.


hahahaha SO MANY! I'm very good at interpreting characters as a-spec, and in
fact could come up with a way of looking at just about any character that
would fit with them being a-spec.
Some easy gimmes include Little Ash and the angel from When the Angels
Left the Old Country, the Doctor from Doctor Who, Aziraphale and Crowley
from the book Good Omens, Sherlock Holmes from the Arthur Conan Doyle
stories, and Ling Wen from Heaven Official's Blessing, all of whom are
characters who arrange their lives to not involve romantic/sexual partners and
find fulfillment in other kinds of relationships (chevrusa, companion, colleague,
roommate, friends) and in the things they devote their energy to (studying
Torah, exploring the universe, avoiding the politics of heaven/hell to hang out
with humans, solving mysteries, knowing everything).
But honestly I can't help but accidentally read everyone as aroace unless
there's explicit canon evidence of them saying/showing them experiencing
regular sexual and romantic attraction.

The Doctor from Doctor Who (specifically the 12th Doctor). Just felt right for
their characterisation of Capaldi’s lack of any sexual-ness (even his relationship
with River feels like a soul connection rather than a flirtatious sexually-charged
relationship as it did with 11).

Crowly and Azeraphel in Good Omens (maybe romantic... maybe... but not so
much with the sexual), The Doctor in Doctor Who (some of the iterations of the
Doctor may be a little romantic but in general they all seems at least asexual)

Obi-Wan Kenobi. Fun fact many SW fans consider him bisexual (being bi is
canon for him) but I see him as biromantic. Sure, being a Jedi limits him on
physical and romantic relationships. But, I just love the idea that a protector of
the galaxy can be a strong, multifaceted character, AND not get bogged down
with sex and romance. He gets to be himself and travel galaxies. You gotta
admit that’s super cool. Plus LIGHTSABERS

I really like Riz Gukgak from Fantasy High (even though he's not canon aroace
as far as I know, but that's a headcanon I like a lot since I really relate to him). I
related to him with his struggle to fit in, and making up a fake partner in season
two to fit in with his friends who have all had some kind of relationship.

Errr. The only character I’ve ever really interpreted as ace/aro was Octavia
Goetia from Helluva Boss, but she’s recently been confirmed as ace anyway.
And I don’t really know why I saw her as that... just vibes I guess.


I really liked to imagine the Angels in Good Omens as Ace, although it's
probably not the right label since an allosexual Angel would be doing
something their species was not designed for. But I did like the idea of a whole
class of people with no reason to experience sexual attraction.

I have not interpreted any character as aro/ace-spec.

no one comes to mind right now, but even at sixteen / seventeen, i enjoy
watching children's movies because they explore other forms of love that are
really important to me: friendship and family. these forms of love are often
shifted to the side when movies have an older target audience.

i think gideon jura from magic the gathering is acespec! he's a classic swordand-
sandals hero who has women constantly throwing themselves at him, and
he always turns them down very politely so he can go back to giving his friends
the best hugs they've ever experienced.

Kaz, from Six of Crows/Crooked Kingdom, as well as the tv show adaptation,
Shadow and Bone. Kaz is shown to be touch averse, struggle with forming a
romantic relationship with Inej (who he clearly cares deeply about), and finds a
lot of romantic things uninteresting. Obviously, this doesn’t automatically make
him asexual, and a lot of his traits can be attributed to trauma, but in a lot of his
behaviors I felt seen and understood. I don’t think he was intended to be read
that way, but that’s how I read him. He’s also flawed, and shows that being ace
and/or aro isn’t always sunshine and rainbows and totally perfect.

This may sound silly but Frank Castle from the Netflix Punisher show. He never
shows interest in relationships or sex or people even tho he cares.

The Twelfth Doctor in Doctor Who. He seemed to be surrounded by people
engaging in more overt forms of romanticism and asexuality while being
oblivious to it or not fully getting it. At the same time, he had very deep
connections with others and cared profoundly for them. Even with River Song,
which he does kiss and has a more romantic relationship to, it stays in that
realm with deep connection. She is a more sexual character yet he doesn't
change his ways while still responding to her cues. When kissing Missy in his
first season, nit also felt like he demonstrated arousal but completely
independent from sexual attraction which is more of a first encounter type
thing.

can't think of any. sorry

My answers may differ from some people here simply because I don’t actually
like this aspect of myself very much, so if I see it in characters I have to
confront it in myself as well. It’s hard for me to visualize it in characters, I think,
because of this lack of acceptance for myself.

Saiki K! He knows what he wants and doesn't change his mind. He finds
fulfillment in ways other than sex/romance.

Yuri Katsuki from Yuri! on Ice. Because he's shown to have passing romantic
attraction to one of his friends, that fizzled down with time, and not much
more. And he's portrayed not knowing how to connect with his sexuality
because he has never put thought to it, but he's not portrayed as innocent and
naive about it either. It's just something he never thought about.

It’s difficult for me to pick just one. I often find myself projecting my asexuality
onto characters because I struggle to imagine what being allosexual would be
like (#AutismMoment). If I had to pick one… maybe Naoto Shirogane from
Persona 4, a game which has also been adapted to anime and manga.
During her Social Link, Naoto has this to say about a love letter in her locker:
“I have no time to be dilly-dallying with callow love affairs… Saying they love me
without even knowing me… Ludicrous.”
It’s a sentiment that resonates with me a lot. The way most people become
attracted to people they don’t really know, or become fixated on attraction
when they have so much else going on in their lives, is very alien to me. Even
when I experience romantic attraction, it’s in the context of a pre-existing
bond, and I’m still thinking about other things!

Elsa as stated above and maybe Merida. She was also very set on not wanting
a man but that could mean nothing.

Wednesday Addams, because her priorities are elsewhere. She is in contrast
to her very passionate allosexual parents. In the latest show Wednesday, she
protects her brother fiercely and later her parents, though she shows her love
differently than anyone would expect, and her arc is NOT about changing how
she expresses it.
The show subverts a lot of tropes about the tough, sworn-off-men girl who
“learns to love.” She says a lot of lines like “I should have been with you” or “you
opened my eyes” but they are subversions because she’s
 either speaking
platonically to the kid who reminds her of her brother; or convicting a murderer
before she smashes his kneecaps with a hammer. Sure she gives kissing boys a
try—aces can experiment. But her arc isn’t about learning to love like that—she
learns something else instead. Her apologies aren’t to boys for not returning
attraction sooner—her apologies are for the way she treated her friends.
Usually in media this type of character finally smiles or finally cries bc they’ve
finally got a crush. Not Wednesday. The time we see her genuinely brighten up
is when she sees Uncle Fester; the time we see her genuinely scream and cry in
grief it’s when trying to save Thing from dying (“Thing, if you die, I will KILL
YOU.”) The time we see her quietly let someone care about her, it’s with Enid
who’s tried so hard all this time to be her friend. The time we see her visit the
hospital and speak to an unconscious person, it’s the kid that reminds her of
her brother.
All of her arc for how she does show love and care for people has nothing to do
with her “learning to love” romantically and sexually. She hates people (and
vampires) fanging in front of her. She finds flirting an “emotional morse code”
and waste of time. But if you break her friend’s heart, she’ll destroy you. If you
attack her brother, she’ll drop piranhas and make sure you never repopulate.
She doesn’t become romantic. She just shows her care all the more fiercely.

Peridot from Steven Universe. She’s the only character in the show who has no
interest in fusing (equivalent to having relationships in the SU world both
sexual and romantic) and is clearly very okay with that.

I'm not often given to headcanonization, but I've recently heard the reading of
Batman as asexual, and it filled me with joy. After all, he's resistant to
supernatural agents affecting attraction, and he rarely gets distracted by what
might otherwise be played up as sexual tension, but he does have romantic
attachments, and clearly sex within them. I like to think he's demi like me.

This is an odd answer but here goes - Elsa in Frozen. I read her as aroace
because she demonstrates how being an effective, driven and selfless leader
really means being devoted to the people you are bound to protect at any cost.
That devotion mirrors more traditional romantic relationships, but it is driven by
a different set of impulses and different aspects of one's character.

I guess Elsa from Frozen.
John Wick, heteroromantic Ace king

There is a character named Shu Yanyan from ‘Devil Venerable Also Wants to
Know’. She is a demonic cultivator, specifically of the dual cultivation path
(iykyk.. if not, it’s basically sex). She has intimate relations with many characters
for her own power and motivations, yet she herself says she has no interest in
people romantically. My headcanons for her switch around from lesbian
asexual to aroace to demisexual to aromantic hypersexual, I can honestly see
her as any of those. And she’s all for consent so she’s a queen in my books.

Sherlock Holmes - Holmes (BBC)
He is minding his business and having adventures without showing interest on
romance or sexual desires per se. In a world with tons of stories focused on
romance and hypersexualization we need stories where you can have a break
and are a breath of fresh air that does not make you miss that part. I know he is
supposed to repress his desires but that could be only him repressing his
libido which is quite different from feeling attraction.
Dr. Spencer Reid - Criminal minds
Super smart and attractive because of that and being kind. His lack of romantic
interest most of the time just shows you can have a life doing your job and
caring about your team or have romantic feelings without the sex you know?
Jo March - Little Women (2019)
Her monologue and saying she can't love Laurie the way he wants to, made me
cry so much and was so relatable. She was ambitious and focused her energy
in her dreams and family and showed that was OK but that monologue still
makes me cry whenever I watch it.
Eloise Bridgerton - Bridgerton she could be an amazing ace representation but
I know I'm asking for too much in a franchise focused on romance and sex lol.
However so far, I feel she is relatable by her zero interest and only finding
someone romantically interesting after connecting with him, and still not
showing sexual interest or curiosity on the topic.
Some of Ali Hazelwood characters being on the spectrum is nice and relatable
as a cis woman and demisexual but wish they were openly ace and mentioned
more than just being a possibly ace since I can relate up to certain point.

Sherlock Homes is the epitome of aroace. People love to interpret him as gay
and ship him with Watson, but the guy was Just Not Interested. He had a big
emotional attachment to Watson, but he wasn't attracted to him. Likewise, he
had a great respect for Irene Addler, but he was not attracted to her.

the 10th doctor from doctor who. Hear me out guys. a GIGANTIC part of his
character arc deals with how because he's a near immortal alien he can't be a
proper romantic partner to rose, and his platonic friends will always in some
way find a romantic partner that they will care about more than him. i say 10
specifically bc in the show's history aroace-coding was just a shorthand for
making the doctor more weird and alien, but 10 is essentially a version of the
doctor with a human heart - he loves with one heart and not two. which makes
the aroace-coding he was given resonate harder with me


Hermione from HP, for a long time. I was annoyed when she eventually got it
together with Ron as I thought it wasn't her nature.

Katness [bleeping] Everdeen!!! Demi af. All of her romantic scenes felt in
service to the love interests or other external factors. She *did* love them—they
were massively important people to her. But you can’t convince me that she
loved them the way they loved her. She molded her love to match theirs
because she didn’t want to hurt/lose them.
And the few moments she has that would “indicate” otherwise wouldn’t
invalidate her as being demi.
I haven’t read the books since I was a teenager so I was probably projecting to
an extent. But adult me will die on this hill

Maybe a little unexpected, but Bilbo Baggins. No mention of sex/sexuality at all
throughout The Hobbit, and yet…There’s something about Bilbo that makes me
nod sagely and go “Yes, he is me.” The comfortable life, wanting of nothing. He
doesn’t need (nor want, it seems) a partner.
Perhaps this was a function of the narrative, to make him more likeable in that if
he had a partner/family he would have to essentially abandon them (or Gandalf
wouldn’t have chosen him at all). But I suspect, given Tolkien’s descriptions and
writing of “romance” in the Lord of the Rings trilogy (look at Goldberry, look at
the budding love between Faramir and Èowyn, tell me you don’t see it!), that
Tolkien might have been on the aro/ace spectrum, and that would make more
sense for Bilbo as well.

Really drawing a blank. But I think Kongthap from My Love Mix Up is
demiromantic and demisexual maybe. He just fits well with it.

Sunakawa Makoto in My Love Story. I head canon him as at least aro. He has
no push to date, despite having hundreds of women confess their undying love
to him. He has stated thinking about romance just makes him tired. (Same,
bro. Same.)


The first character I remember interpreting as Aspec was (and still is) Castiel
from Supernatural. He was and remains one of my favourite characters in
media, his rather oblivious and naive nature was something I identified with
and through the many season never seemed to show outright sexual feelings to
anyone. He is loving and compassionate however when contrasted with the
other leads of the show he was always shown confused by sexual acts and saw
them more as experiments.

I interpret Twyla Boogeyman from monster high as demiromantic due to her
requiring a connection before she has crushes on people

It’s been a long time since I watched it, and I didn’t watch every season, but I
remember thinking the school counselor in Glee was very much coded as on
the asexual spectrum. She showed a lot of sex-repulsion or sex-aversion, and
assured students that they never “had” to have sex, even after they were
married. To be clear, her saying that to students seemed to go beyond allusions
to SA, coming across as very sex-repulsed asexual.

Despite The Doctor having various romantic relationships, I've always read
them as queer and on the aroace spectrum. Also for obvious reasons Elsa from
Frozen due to her lack of focus on romantic relationships and her focus on
family and community.

Spencer reid from Criminal Minds. I've seen him as ace because he doesn't
seem to be sexually attracted to anyone but he does seem to want a romantic
relationship.

No one comes to mind right now.

I'm sure there's been many, but I can't think of any right now :(

The first character I saw that looked asexual was Dexter. The serial killer TV
show. He felt like he had similar experience with love and sex in the season
one. Even later in the seasons, feeling a bond with someone later he could
possibly be demisexual. As much as I liked
 the ace experiences, it's unfortunate
the character is considered an anti hero/ villain.

I always felt Daryl from the Walking Dead came across as ace until the last
season happened. He seemed so much more interested in platonic
relationships.

I honestly generally end up interpreting most characters as aro/ace/aroacespec
unless they are shown specifically to be allo via their own words or
thoughts, because I don't have a frame of mind that would interpret any
specific actions as being romantic or implying sexual interaction.

Alex Truelove from the 2018 Netflix Romantic Comedy “Alex Strangelove” like
yes on one hand the whole “Young boy is nervous about having sex with his
high school sweetheart” story is a little trite but like, the signs were going
towards an asexual biromantic self discovery moment where he clearly has
romantic interest in his girlfriend, and then another boy, but still seems unsure
about sex, and then it turned out he was gay and repressed due to a moment
of childhood bullying?? Like, damn, not only is he not ace but he’s also closeted
due to trauma? Like, nobody wins there.

I think barbie felt like an homoromantic asexual character. But again it also felt
like they were depicting this side of her very robotic and non-human like. It felt
like she couldn't be sexual because she was a doll, a plaything and she didn't
have genitals. This usually what happens when we see an asexual
representation. Somehow it almost always fails.

Darius from the jurassic world series. he seems so connected to the world that
he doesn't give signs of any romantic or sexual interest

No one in particular though I often feel disappointed when characters loop
towards sex/romance.
I'd like to say maybe Mako Mori from Pacific Rim? I love the way she's focused
and still has a connection to those around her that's strong but not sexual.
Also - I like the interpretation of Jessica Rabbit as ace a lot.

Y'know, despite being in fandom for half of my life, I genuinely can't think of
any. Media is just so sex-oriented these days! It's honestly super disheartening.


Oddly enough, two Disney princesses - Merida from 'Brave' and Elsa from
'Frozen'. Neither shows an interest in getting a prince, just in living their best
life.

Dozens. Maybe hundreds. But this is incidentally done by way of an author
removing sexuality from a situation which is also diminishing. Asexual is not a
lack of orientation, it is one in and of itself.



Question 5.
What is your least favourite cliche, stereotype or trope for aro/ace/aroace-spec character?

That they are robotic/have no emotions I guess?

My least favorite thing is when shows, usually doesn’t happen in books, say an
asexual character is the least sexual being in existence or something to that
effect. I know it’s ignorance but it grates

That they (any character, actually) talk like encyclopedias when explaining the
terminology and the forms of attraction.

That we are frigid.

That someone ace can't have a fulfilling relationship or someone aro can't have
a fulfilling sex life. And if someone is aroace they won't have a fulfilling life in
general within their friendship and life goals. Anything saying they are
fundamentally missing out on something in life is just a form of homophobia
and an attempt to force someone into a box of what that person believes life is
based on their own assumptions. It's very harmful.

-being called prude/immature/stuck up
-you havent found the right one yet
but please do include insiders such as the black ring, garlic bread, cake and
dragons somehow :)

ah yes, the cold standoffish ace. in the case of Elsa, the literal ice queen. The
one who struggles with all relationships and connections.

the entire story revolving around a panic of not wanting sex

That being Ace or Aro is boring. It's not necessarily a stereotype, bit because
of how big romance is in media, Aro and Ace Characters tend to get relegated
to the background, are not properly explored and are kind of forgotten. But we
have complicated relationships too with our friends and with our families, or for
those of us who choose to try and date that's a really scary journey. We're not
quiet, at least not all of us all the time, we can be loud and opinionated and the
life of the party. Do not make us robots, or the quiet friend, or forgotten, have
us engage with people. I love people! Just not like that.

I don't mind the bookish introvert ace, but we've seen a lot of it. I don't like
when asexuality is conflated with loneliness or some kind of 'lack'.

That being ace means you never have sex, obviously. Or that aromantic means
you don't *understand* what romance is. I get it, I just don't care for it. Aro/ace
characters don't have to be emotionally stunted, socially awkward or antisocial.
They can be warm and friendly and funny and well-rounded in every way,
they're just not trying to get into everyone's pants all the time. They also don't
have to be harshly outspoken against other ppl's relationships! I don't care
about what other people do! You do you. Stop painting us a bitter loners with
no joy in our lives.
Hate, hate, hate when characters try to convert an unwilling character to be
less ace, it always turns into coercion and SA-adjacent things. The whole you
just haven't me the right person yet! thing is fucking exhausting.
Hate grand displays of affection in public. Romantic comedies are horrible.
I hate how sex is portrayed as some kind of goal or milestone that says
something about the closeness or intimacy of a relationship. Like you're not a
real couple if you haven't had sex yet.

any given stereotype or trope is, tbh, something that SOMEONE out there on
the a-spectrum finds resonates with them. The important thing, I think, is for
there to be a variety of representation out there in the world so none of us feels
like one particular vision of what it means to be aro/ace/aroace is taking up all
the airspace at our expense. Which means that what we need is more a-spec
characters, of a wide variety of types!
though for me personally what I'm not into reading is the kind of character who
makes their identity their whole personality and who is ready to drop
everything to give ace 101 speeches at a moment's notice. I'd rather read about
characters who are too busy doing the things that they ARE interested in, to
bother thinking about the things they're not.

Sheldon Cooper type characters. When asexual type tendencies are lumped in
with making a character ‘weird’.

Ace is robotic and unemotional and/or naive and infantilized. Aro is
promiscuous and unfulfilled in some way seeking meaningless sex to cope with
other issues.

That asexuals have to live their lives alone and without love.

Always portraying aroace characters as these cold, sarcastic people. Of
course, it's fine since people are diverse but it gets tiring when it's done so
much.

That we’re childish or immature and need to be fixed, I hate that so much.
This is not something I need to grow out of, and there’s nothing wrong with me.


Aro/Ace is kind of an inchoate identity or family of identities, because it's
about not having this drive, or not having *enough* of it to meet society's
expectations. When an ace person comes out to someone they trust, just
saying I'm Ace is probably going to give the person a pretty flat idea of their
situation.
Also, when writing an ace person in a relationship with an allo, I'd like to see
this treated as an opportunity for creativity, rather than a problem to be
overcome.

That we're emotionless and unhappy people who aren't fulfilled unless we find
a way to be in a sexual/romantic relationship.

an aro/ace/aroace-spec character being portrayed as incomplete, unsexy and/
or sad!

i am robot! i have no emotions! what is this thing you call love? i only love The
Mathematics.

I hate when ace/aro people are infantilized or treated like a totally sexless
robot. There was a controversy on Twitter where an aro/ace woman (Yasmin
Benoit) announced that she was leading the London Pride parade. She wore a
“revealing” outfit, and there was a lot of hate direct towards her because of it.
But aro and/or ace people can wear revealing clothes, or have sex, or engage in
other types of intimacy!
In general, I hate the trope of the “pure” aro/ace character who doesn’t get sex
jokes and/or is “anti-sex”.

That they’re robotic.

Showing characters as emotionless and child-like. On a personal basis, I don't
usually think of romance/sex out of arousal or immediate attraction regularly
but I have spend more time than anyone I know researching, trying to
understand attraction, analyzing how it works with characters and people
around me and such. I am not clueless as to how it works for other people, it
just doesn't work that way for me. Just avoid infantilization. Also do not like the
finding the one tropes who change it all. The capacity for those deep
connections is present from the get-go and also present
 with friends.

using aro people can still be in romantic relationships (and the same for ace)
as an excuse to have a relationship completely indistinguishbale from an allo
one

Probably that being ace inherently means you’re completely barriered from
the desire for sex. I think like anything there’s a spectrum to it, but the only
times I can recall seeing it on screen is when it’s the ace person forming a
boundary with sex and then the other character having to grapple with that
and decide how to proceed. I don’t want to be something to grapple with
because of that when I already have a hard enough time finding myself worthy
of that sort of affection in general.

That it's a choice!

When they are portrayed as unfeeling or apathetic; or when they're portrayed
as looking or trying to fix themselves because there's something wrong with
them

I really dislike when being ace/aro-spec is treated as something “lesser” about
a character. It also sometimes bothers me in explicit fiction when asexuality is
basically hand-waved away in a sexual relationship. While we can still have sex,
our relationship with sex is often different to allosexual people. We might not
have as high a libido, or we may have different boundaries around what acts we
do and don’t want to participate in. It makes me sad seeing these things
ignored.

That we're broken and can be cured (fuck that episode of House, M.D. in
particular).

Naive, easily repulsed, undesirable

They are innocent and are oblivious to the world around them

That it's an illness that can be cured

That a single adult (maybe aroace) character just needs to learn to get over
whatever trauma/insecurity/ego keeps them single, and fix that.
That friends of different genders just need to learn to get over whatever denial/
prudishness/ego keeps them “just friends,” and admit they’re meant to be
romantic partners or else they lose each other forever.
(Any of those people could have been queer or aro/ace)
And any use of “asexual” as an insult to mean prude, virgin, or unattractive. I
know that may have been a use historically when men were trying to insult the
feminist movement, but it’s not an insult now. Asexual doesn’t mean WE’RE
unattractive, it means *everyone else* is! (jk)

- we can be “fixed” or cured”
-“you’re just confused”
- we are prudes
- we are all neurodivergent
- childlike/innocent
- “are you a plant”
- we are introverted and have no friends
- we are all celibate
- not feeling ace enough
- “the A in LGBTQIA+ stands for ally!”
- the fact we all want to invade Denmark because their military force is
outnumbered by aces


Hard to pick a least favorite. I hate the 'trauma made me ace' one, though I
know it does affect some people that way irl. I hate the 'all aces will NEVER want
sex' idea. I especially dislike the assumption that all aces are aro and vice versa,
since that is very often untrue.

My least favorite stereotypes is aro/ace/aroace-spec people are robotic

Someone who is childish, infantile, weak and/or vulnerable. Not saying that
ace and aro characters must be invulnerable or always domineering badasses -
not at all! But the association of ace and aro identities with immaturity can be
really problematic if there is nothing else there filling out a character.

You can make a character that is sex repulsed because that’s a valid part of the
community. But don’t rely on that for cheap humor or “fish out of water”
scenarios

I don’t enjoy the stereotype that aroace people are cold, logical, serious, and
apathetic people. Going hand in hand with that would be the how the clothing
is often incredibly modest or baggy. I don’t know how to best describe it, so
apologies if my explanation doesn’t make sense. But the best way I can
describe it is in comparison with gay men’s stereotypes, how media portrayal
and even real life views will believe gay men to be effeminate, almost “dainty”.
And when gay men aren’t that stereotype, they can hear things like “oh you
don’t look/act gay”. It’s a similar premise there. There was some twitter
acephobia that went on just a little bit ago when an asexual person lead a pride
parade wearing “sexual/revealing” clothing. It is harmful and invalidating, to be
told you “cannot be aro/ace” because of the way you dress or the way you act.
People are allowed to wear what they want, it is not a reflection on their
sexualities or gender identities. Again, apologies if they didn’t make any sense.
At work while filling this out, so I’m a little brain dead haha.

Being naive or innocent on sexual topics.
Often portrayed as loners or side characters because they are boring or
weirdos.
If they are sex favorable it feels like the story is focused on the moment they
find a person and have sex, implying they are fixed.
Aces not being able to be attractive physically because we are not supposed to
get that type of attention. Being pretty or popular or dressing in some way
does not have to be linked to be allosexual all the time.

That they're all sex-repulsed. Some are, sure, but that usually is the result of
childhood trauma of being raised in a society that places a huge amount of
your personal value on how fuckable you are (especially for women). Sexrepulsion
is not inherent to your sexual orientation, and is an entirely separate
thing going on in your mental makeup.

mentioned this in the previous answer but when being aroace is used as a
shorthand to make a character more alien or monstrous - so i LOVE narratives
that flip this on its head like izutsumi or the 10th doctor where their humanity is
reinforced by the story and it's unquestionable that they care deeply for others

Being a prude/hating sex/asexuality is always a result of trauma.

That we are all autistic or can't relate to people. I'm very empathetic and
caring!

That those people all do not have sex. That is untrue. Or that they are all small
and shy. That they all wear glasses and dungaress and would be book worms or
other nerds.

I think the infantilization is legit messed up. No one wants to be treated like a
child—especially not for as some thing as none-of-your-buisness as sex and
sexuality.
Aro/allo doesn’t get enough rep to have a cliche ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Complete celibacy. Many people on the ace spectrum do have (good!) sex,
especially in mixed-libido relationships. And many masturbate. Some might
enjoy kink/bondage without penetrative sex. Sexual health is part of physical/
mental health, and many people need (or simply enjoy) the release.
(Remember: spectrum!)

That you have to be both??? Like so many people read Merida or Elsa to be
asexual when they mean aromantic. Like these are Disney characters, do you
really think these characters are related to sex? NO. They have no romantic
interests.

We don't feel love because we don't feel romantic love. Or we cannot commit
in a relationship. Or that we just like having sex/slut shaming. That we are cold,
don't like children.

The Ace character that can't be in a relationship.

The stick in the mud trope where a character is essentially robotic and a
follower of rules because apparently ace folks are boring

Most aroace rep are characters are who are both aromantic and asexual and
have no interest in ever having sex. There are a lot of people who experience
that, so I don’t want that representation to go away at all. I just want to see
more diversity in the kinds of aroace characters out there!

That we're all bookish quiet nerds. That we're all white. That we all hate sex.

That we have no emotions or are like robots. I am incredibly emotional and
care very much for my friends and family. Romantic relationships are not the
end all be all.

Making the character really quirky or odd in some way which seems like the
author is trying to make up for something. I want to feel like they’re a normal
person. Not Sheldon from Big Bang Theory.

Heh, why bother having sex when I can read books all day? Is a pretty tired
trope.


A stereotype is ace/aro people must have a mental illness, disability or be the
villain.

I've not come across any ace characters myself so haven't seen any
stereotypes, but I guess there must be one out there that people think being
ace means you don't know how to love.

That they're broken, or that they can be fixed or make an exception for the
one.

The “robotic and unfeeling person is also asexual/aromantic” reading that
applies to people like Sheldon Cooper. Plus the whole “they just need the right
person, like Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler, to make them sexual/romantic” corollary to
that.
I also personally find that media that tries too hard to go in the opposite
direction can miss. Like, “oh wow! This person is ace? When they’re so
flirtatious and outgoing??” says, to me, that an ace person having those traits is
so shocking and abnormal that
 it goes against type

I don't like how they portray us like psychopaths without emotional depth. Like
Sherlock for instance. They usually go for that route and it's actually very
irritating.

probably being 100% sex/romance-repulsed. though I know there's a lot of
people out there that feels this way. it's just less appealing to me

Ace = Robot or Cold. I don't like the take that for example BBC's Sherlock is ace
just because he's quite horrible to the female character that's interested in him.
Ace = narcissist/egotistic/ autistic is infuriating to me.

The broken I need you to fuck me to fix me ace. We are not broken, and sex
will not change who we are. It's really gross, to be honest.

Them being naive and / or childlike, and also them automatically dressing
modestly - we can wear what we want like anyone else.

I mentioned this above, but characters struggling with identity do not find and
become gatekeepers of all knowledge. Asexual characters can be just as
ignorant of asexuality as they navigate what that means. That might also mean
trying on identities. This means authors will need to remember that they know
things their characters do not.




Question 6.
What’s one thing you’d really like to see in an aro/ace/ aroace-spec character?

intimacy that does not mean sexual or romantic

Acceptance. As ace people we get enough questions from friends and family
that can’t possible understand our experience, and growing up I questioned
myself and tried to “fix” myself which led to a lot of bad decisions made under
the influence of drugs and alcohol just so I could fit in with what everyone else
was doing. I would love to see a character that more readily accepts
themselves, whether they had a role model or parent that shows them that it’s
ok to be just as they are and helps them from a young age to accept
themselves.

I’d like to see demi characters with well developed bonds and relationships, so
the attraction (wether romantic or sexual) is believable.
I’d like to see characters with different degrees of interest in sex and desire, so
they don’t always fall in the cliché of how the characters can’t their hands off
each other.
And finally, I’d like to see fully fleshed-out characters who happen to be a-spec
(and of course that impacts their life and world perception) but whose main
plot line revolves about other aspects of their life.

Someone that is accepted as is, and included in friend groups and
adventures.

Just having a fulfilling life

trying to fit in in a world you dont seem to belong into, dealing with confusion
about yourself (something must be wrong with me) and slowly accepting that
it is not you that is broken, but society's stance on relationships and sex

I'd love to see someone comfortable in their own damn skin. I knew who I was
from a young age, but I didn't have the words for it. Having a character on the
same journey is fantastic, but I also love the character that you can aspire to
be, you know. To show that hey, this person is freaking ACE. (in all possible
ways)

someone who is romantic but asexual. someone who prefers being asexual.
someone who prefers being aromantic/asexual as it frees them to do other
things with life. a relationship between two asexual people

As Ace rep increases Aro rep has not pushed really far beyond niche books. I'd
just like to see more of us honestly and get beyond the coming out/discovery
phase of queer media that we're currently in. Although, there's so little rep, we
could probably use a few more of those too. I think someone exploring what
dating is like for Aro/Aces could be interesting because it's not very scary. I
think having a lot of us together in a show would be fun, our friendship
dynamics our interesting. In general and personally, I'd like to see more
diversity in our representation. More Black and POC people, more gender
diversity, disabled diversity or all sorts (physical and mental), more body
diversity. Normalize us, we could be anyone, conservatives should be scared of
that.

I want to see aces thriving! I want to see aces enjoying their freedom and
embracing their independence.

Not sure. I don't really seek it out. I've never felt represented in literature and I
have no hope of that ever changing tbh. I do think ace/aro rep in erotic/kink
fiction is under-utilised tho.
Same for SF/F and other spec fic: If you're creating a whole other world, maybe
try making a society less obsessed with physical sex, romantic relationships
and procreation?
And as mentioned above, make happy, warm, friendly and funny ace
characters! Living alone does not make you a sad loser.

I just want more! and more variety!

I think more BAME representation would be great.

Normalization.

I would love to see an asexual character get to have a whirlwind romance or a
QPR (queer platonic relationship) just like any allosexual characters get!

Just normal people who also happen to be aro/ace. (But tbh at the same time, I
want aroace people who's identity play a big part in who they are. Just complex
people)

Now, we’re starting to get more aces and aros in media; I want to see more of
the spectrum. I want to see someone acknowledge that asexuals can be horny.
There’s this awful thing I’ve come across where sexually active aces get treated
like they’re not proper asexuals. Feeling sexual attraction and having a libido
are two different things.
Aces can experience arousal.
Aces can like sex because of the closeness it gives them to their partner.
Aces can like sex because it feels good when they do it.
Aces can watch porn and masturbate.
Aces can engage in BDSM and other fetishes for reasons other than sexual
attraction.


I'd love more horny aces! (I mean, only if there was a way for this to arise
organically. Horny in public is probably not ace rep we need.) For me,
asexuality is about not being attracted, not about not having a sex drive. The
ace who brings bottled water to the orgy, the ace who spends time alone with
a toy, the ace who writes erotica.

Character development of them as a person! I'd almost rather them being aro/
ace-spec be clearly and proudly addressed, but not be all that important or
character defining. Let the person they are be the most important part of them,
the people they love, the things that motivate and inspire them be the center of
the story. It is so frustrating to always be presented with sex/romance as the
center of an adult life and it would be a missed opportunity to highlight that for
some aroace folks, like me, that this just is not an aspect of life that means all
that much to me. In fact, I never really think about it. Rather, being aroace only
comes to mind in the context of others (ie people inquiring about my partner,
people curious about how I have a biological child as an aroace person, wellintentioned
people telling me that I'm young and I Neve know what can happen
in the future or who I'll meet that will change everything for me).


what i like to see is a story line of a full and complete character who has
complex character traits. yea they fall under aroace umbrella but that does not
make them incomplete. it also should not be too much of their character
identity.

I’d love to see aro/ace-spec characters be in romantic relationships! I’d like to
see them try them out and realize it’s not for them, or stick with it and figure
they actually love it. Demi characters falling deeply in love with someone after
years of friendship, or an aro person loving someone deeply in a way that isn’t
romantic. I especially want to see characters who are asexual but not
aromantic, and characters who are aromantic but not asexual. Romantic and
sexual attraction are different, and it’s nice to see characters who are one but
not the other.

One that likes sex! I’m ace flexible and Demi and I love sex. I’d love to see an
ace character that still enjoys it too.

I'd love to see a character who is some variation of the spec find a relationship
(romantic or sexual depending) with a character who isn't aroacespec and how
they navigate that, the conversations that need to be had, the agreements etc.
Like any other relationship it's not easy work but the beauty of it is it can be
done. Aroace people don't always go out with aroace people. Also queer
platonic relationships with aroace-aroace couples would be lovely.

i'd be interested in some aroallo representation (but i understand that may be
tricky to write)

A storyline not dependent on acceptance from someone not on this spectrum.
Or, similarly, views on the positives of this lifestyle rather than the struggles
that come along with it.

polyamorous a-spec people! Alloaros!

A character happy in their own skin that is capable of loving others and their
career and doesn't feel like missing anything.

I’d really like more ace/aro-spec characters who are physically affectionate.
Characters who are really cuddly or touchy, and crave that contact—just not of
a romantic or sexual kind!
Unknown
 contact said:
A full, vibrant life in which people like being around them.

Shadiness, random knowledge, casual secrecy.

A love of garlic bread (for ace)

Someone who falls in love and has a happy relationship with an allo

I really want to see both of these:
1. Queerplatonic partners as a really happy, healthy relationship. I think the
closest we’ve seen is Aziraphale and Crowley in Good Omens (but I have
nothing against romantically shipping them too cuz the lines are blurred and
they don’t use human labels anyway)
2. An aroace character that does not feel any attraction nor end up in any
relationship at all, and is content and happy for it. I feel like a lot of ace rep is
dedicated to showing “just because you’re ace doesn’t mean you can’t fall in
love!” and that is very true and valid to many people’s experiences. However,
it’s hard for me to find aroace representation that leans into the aromantic
aspect specifically, particularly in which a character does not have a romantic
partner at all but lives a meaningful life. Because that is also a valid, lived
experience that sticks out more, that more people need to know can be good.

- more sex positive characters, and more POC ace characters, and the
connection between their family and their identity

I'd love to see a character embrace their asexuality while exploring other
elements of interpersonal relationships.

I'd like to see a character of color

Honestly, I want to see all kinds of aro and ace characters - ones that are like
me and ones that are barely like me at all. That's what's great about being part
of a spectrum within the queer spectrum itself: we are all so different from one
another, and I want to see a wide range of ace and aro characters too.

I really just want one to be a main character that exists in a story that reaches
a wide audience. A lot of the main stream characters are relegated to side
characters. Just want more eyes on the Ace experience

I’d encourage more people to write the more “uncommon” sides of aro/ace
identities. Like asexual people who are hypersexual, the aromantic people who
fall under the cupioromantic and lithromantic labels, the asexual people who
still enjoy having sex, and so on. There is never enough representation, but
most of the representation we have are aro/ace characters who are always
serious and apathetic. Aro/ace people are just the same as everyone else! We
have our ups and downs and explore our sexualities the same as most. So I
would love to see the “in between”s of the spectrum, and I’d love to also see a
character going through the journey of discovering themselves, being in denial
over it and all. But on the opposite side of that, I’d also love to see a character
mentioning their sexuality casually. There doesn’t always need to be a big
coming out scene or discovery scene, sometimes it’s nice just to have a
character laugh at a sex joke and then say something along the lines of “not me
tho, stay safe yall”.

- Embracing their sexuality openly without being a walking flag all the time.
- A main character that is ace without being borderline psychopath
- Also most of the time characters are both aro-ace we need representation
that separates them.
- cis heteroromantic or biromantic demisexuals being embraced as queer (this
took me soooo long to come to terms since I didn't count as queer enough)
- portraying aphobia because it is very much real and it hurts us (ie all the
comments and attacks Yasmin Benoit suffers), people think we are not
discriminated or suffer

The active thought process of why they might choose to have sex (and
perhaps even enjoy it) with a person who they're just not attractive to. There
are many reasons: to have children, to make a partner happy (this is different
from people who get sexual gratification out of pleasing a partner), to feel
special and valued (not quite a healthy reason, but we live in a society), for
money, and many other reasons.

more aroace characters that struggle with loneliness and alienation!! being
aroace does not inherently make someone lonely, but the surrounding
amatonormative society that we live in does make it isolating knowing that a
majority of society prioritizes romantic/sexual relationships over platonic ones

As I said, I'd love to see someone like me who doesn't fully understand their
own identity. Also, sex-positive/neutral aces who just don‘t feel attraction.
Aromantic people who love romance in media.

Male ace characters are interesting, esp if they don't fall into the trope of
being autistic / spectrumy savants (like Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory). I
think there might be a lot more women who are like me, and maybe more who
don't even let on to their partners. Secret aces. Exploring that would be
interesting. A secret ace society?

a bold character. outgoing, extroverted. Maybe tall.

I’d like to see valid aro/allo rep. Someone who identifies as, understands, and
navigates the world intentionally as aromantic and allosexual. Communicating
with partners, turning down advances, processing the relationships around you
—gimme!!

I’d love to see more accurate diversity. Oftentimes it feels like authors are
ticking boxes for diverse characters, or just labeling X character as aro/ace
without having it do any work in the story. I want aro/ace spectrum characters
who behave like real aro/ace spectrum people, and that means considering
what other factors/identities play into individual lives and relationships.

Asexuals happy and in love. We can have love without sex.

When I write these characters, I try to show how their relationships are
important to counter act the idea that they are unfeeling. I also show them as
being embodied. Even though I'm not asexual, I've been in relationships with
asexuals, and the idea that they all hate physical platonic/sensual touch is
bizarre to me.

More healthy relationships! Whether that is platonic, romantic, sexual, or
anything. It is really annoying to see characters endlessly pressure Ace/Aro
characters to be someone they aren't and it happens far too often in real life
and in media.

I would like to see characters who are not happy to realise they are aromantic.
Id like to see the journey of acceptance and going from a negative place to a
positive place in regards to queerness

Extroversion! For lack of a better word. People on the aroace spectrum can be
affectionate, outgoing, friendly, warm, and kind. There is a stereotype that
we’re unfeeling or emotionally clueless, but that’s often not the case. I’d also
like to see how it can be hurtful when someone misinterprets friendliness for
flirtation and accuses us of leading them on or giving mixed signals. That last
one is also often the case for Autistics. A lot of aroace people, but not all, are
neurodivergent.

I'd love to see a complex aroace character that loves hookup culture!

I just want to see friendships treated the same as other relationships.

I’d like to see more communication between ace characters and their
allosexual partners. Whether they have sex or not, ace people often place a
different value on sex. There’s the joke that we prefer cake to sex, but seriously
that often comes into play in real life. I’d like to see that explored in fiction.

Them perhaps not understanding sexual attraction, or asking people about it a
lot. Not necessarily being repulsed, but genuinely... confused.

An asexual character who likes sex, who might be traumatized by past
experiences and wants to have a lot of sex. A asexual character who might
explore poly relationships. A asexual character who explores queer platonic
partners. A asexual character who feels ace their entire life but might meet
someone who makes them question if they might be demisexual. An ace
character who may be bisexual/pansexual but realize they are asexual.

Not being considered weird by the characters around them and just being
accepted for who they are.

Unapologetic confidence in their identity.

I think a lot of characters that get read as ace/aro still wind up in seemingly
heterosexual relationships, when someone can be ace and homoromantic for
example (it’s me, i’m the example).

I would love to see an asexual character who's very emotionally intelligent and
very in touch with their dark feminine energy. Kind of like a seductive character
because being sexy has nothing to do with experiencing sexual attraction and
people need to understand that.

emphasis on other types of love, other than romantic. someone that live so
deeply it knows no lables. love is whatever your feeling, do we really have to
classify it so much?

An ace character like me that finds out about being ace later on after trying to
navigate the world would be great. I love the idea of an ace character that is
supporting of their friends and can demonstrate love beyond the sexual
attraction.

I'd like to see them not infantilized or branded a freak for their orientation. Let
it be a part of them
 and not their whole personality!

Someone who is body confident, wears whatever they like to suit their mood
at the time, and who is still happy even if they aren't coupled up.

Asexuals are just as flawed as allosexuals. A disinterest in sex may indeed lead
to easier comfort in commodifying or exchanging sex for favors or attention. I
would be interested in approaching this in a story. I’d also love to explore
situational asexuality (sub typology like demisexual where sex requires deeper
connection).




Many thanks to  Dr Emily Garside for helping me shape the questions before they went out. @EmiGarside

Thanks also to those who took part in this survey which include:

Spacemermaidgab
@mvwrite
@Squeak_208
dorothynyc89
@lunaesolis
@Edward_the_Deer
@rookthebird
@ang_lovestheday
LauLanau
@Im_Your_Al_Pal
@nocturnalxlight
@edgarandrewpoe
@AndreaMariana89
@luna3ther
@little_owl9
@elisaintime
@BG_Cane
@Leigh_Ann_Cowan
@mon_fia_carat
@AceOnFire77
BridgetKBrule
@jxbooksandmusic
@MegMassa
@bookofgrey
gh05t_girl
Hamsterpranks
@uareinadream
@MellVegano
King_Reinhardt
@tattooedselkie